


The One With The Secret Girlfriend

by Hello21



Series: The One Where Max Is A Traitor [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Gen, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-04-28 13:43:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 37,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5092922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hello21/pseuds/Hello21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The year Bellamy had a secret girlfriend, this is Bellamy's Pov from "The One Where Octavia is Pretty Much Always Right"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I fell for her in summer, my lovely summer girl

Jasper and Maya were walking a good distance ahead of Bellamy and his own date, Maya’s coworker Clarke. Jasper had told him that Clarke was the perfect girl for him, he knew Jasper was spewing shit at the time, but now he was absolutely positive that his friend was fucking insane to ever think he should date this spoiled _princess._

Jasper and Maya had a double date with Clarke and the guy she’d been seeing for the past month or so. He remembered Jasper going on and on about it, he was beyond excited to have another date with Maya. Bellamy thought it was pretty pathetic, but the kid was happy, so who was he to judge?

However the guy had canceled and declared that he never wanted to see Clarke again, and while Bellamy thought that was harsh, it made him worry about this date he agreed to go on.

And then, well then he saw Clarke and all hesitation left his mind. He found it difficult to imagine that anyone would cancel on her, but to declare that you never wanted to see her again, well that seemed unfathomable. 

She was absolutely gorgeous, with a small curvy figure, ambled breasts, and a face of a fucking angel. Bellamy knew guys who would kill to just spend a few moments with a girl like her. He seriously was questioning her other date’s mental state.

But then he got to know her and it made sense. It made perfect sense that someone would never want to see her again. Bellamy was still questioning the other guy’s mental state, but now he wondering how in the hell he had managed to go on more than one date with her. Bellamy wanted nothing more than to get as far away as possible and maybe punch Jasper for setting this up.

She was everything he couldn’t stand about fucking rich people. She was bossy and selfish, and a spoiled princess. She’d been given everything in life and wasn’t even a bit grateful. She had an arrogant demeanor, and was the very definition of an ice queen, with an air of aloofness and callousness that unnerved him.

His feelings for Clarke were mutual on her part, as she seemed to loathe him just as much. In fact she seemed to be the very embodiment of the look that people gave him when they thought he was some uneducated low life who was beneath them.

The date went bad to worse to just god awful terrible. Whatever one of them said, it was the wrong thing to say to other. They argued about everything to politics, movies, books, recent events and even the goddamn price of wine at the restaurant.

Bellamy didn’t even necessarily disagree or thought the things she said were wrong. In fact he hated how he kind of agreed with a lot of her points. Still though he angrily argued with everything she said, mostly because he couldn’t stand the thought of agreeing with her. It was just awful and Bellamy was definitely going to punch Jasper after this was all over.

He didn’t think he could survive part two of this date.

Looking to the happy couple ahead of him, and despite the fact he wanted to kill Jasper, he was glad that he and the princess didn’t manage to completely ruin their night. The two lovebirds were in their own happy little world, having found a way to ignore him and Clarke.

“At least we didn’t manage to ruin their night,” Clarke said, voicing his exact thoughts. She was looking at Jasper and Maya with such fondness that it made him pause and stare at her. Her voice softened and her whole entire demeanor changed from ice queen to an actual person with a heart.

He didn’t respond to her, too exhausted to get into another heated argument with her.

She looked up at him and sighed. “Well this was god awful and probably the worst date I have ever been on.”  

“Don’t sell yourself short, princess.” He sneered, “I’m sure with your charming personality you’ve managed to date a least one or two guys worse than me.”

She opened her mouth to retort, but decided against it, it seemed like he wasn’t the only one tired of fighting. She gave a half-hearted shrug. “That’s probably true, at least you didn’t try to feel me up.”

She stepped towards the curb and waved down a cab.

“You’re leaving now?”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m sorry, do you actually want to continue this date?”

“God no.”

“Then why continue? Maya and Jasper will be better off by themselves and we can’t stand each other, so let’s end it now and we won’t have to deal with each other ever again.” She stepped into the cab without another word.

“Night.” Bellamy said mostly to himself as the cab drove away.

He was surprised and a bit insulted by how abruptly she left, even though he was thinking of doing the same. He sighed and headed back to his truck. He was glad the date was over, really he was, but the way she just left, well it left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Bellamy wished he’d been the first one to leave, it felt like he got rejected. Though considering it was the princess rejecting him that was probably a blessing.

Bellamy was surprised when he got back home and Miller was sitting on the couch with a beer in his hand. His roommate rarely stayed the night anymore, not since he became serious with Monty.

“You two get into a fight?” Bellamy asked, scratching Max behind his ears as he trotted to his side.

Miller grunted, glaring at the TV. Bellamy took that as a yes.

He headed to the kitchen to grab a beer and plopped down next to his roommate, while Max laid down at his feet. “Want to talk about it?”

“No.”

Bellamy nodded and turned his head to watch some procedural buddy cop show, with Miller interjecting every few minutes with; “that’s illegal,” “that won’t hold up in a court,” “there goes your badge you ass,” and “seriously how stupid are you that you need this so called _expert_ on every case?”

Bellamy just grinned into his beer, Miller’s half-assed angry commentary was always enjoyable. He would make a comment, but Miller silently put up with Bellamy’s incessant commentary of the inaccuracies of any historical show or movie, so fair was fair. 

His phone vibrated with a text message from Jasper.

 **Jasper 11:49pm:** _I see you and Clarke left early_

Following the text, there was an ungodly amount of emojis. He rolled his eyes at his friend’s ridiculousness.

 **Bellamy 11:50pm:** _Separately_

 **Bellamy 11:50pm:** _And I will get you back for putting me through that hell_

No reply from Jasper meant that Bellamy had said enough to scare him, at least for the night. He turned back to the show wrapping up.

“That’s entrapment and super illegal, you stupid bitches.” Miller exclaimed to the TV, as the episode ended. He sighed as the next episode began, “Monty’s mad at me.”

“I gathered.”

Miller rubbed his face, “I don’t understand why he’s so mad. What’s the big deal about me having to move in with him?”

“It shows you’re committed to the relationship.”

“I am. He knows that, everyone knows that.” Miller waved his hands dramatically, spilling some beer on the floor. “Why is us living together so important? I’m just not ready for it yet.”

Bellamy snorted, ignoring his friend’s glare. “You realize that you already live with Monty, right?”

“I don’t-“

Bellamy cut him off. “You live with your boyfriend. I don’t even know why you pay for utilities over here anymore, not that I’m complaining, but it’s a waste for you. Most of your crap is at Monty’s and when you do stay the night here, it’s because you and Monty are both too tired and drunk to drive back to his place. You live with Monty.”

Miller looked down at his feet, “I want to live with Monty.”

“Good, because you already do.” Bellamy interjected, smirking.

“What if it doesn’t work out?”

“Well you move back here and move on with your life.”

Miller looked offended that Bellamy didn’t insist things would definitely work out between him and Monty. “You suck at this. Why do I even bother talking to you about this shit?”

“Screw you, I’m great at this romantic crap.”

“If you’re so great, how come you came home alone?”

Bellamy put his face in his hands and groaned, slumping back into the cushions. He didn’t need another reminder about Clarke.

“That bad, huh?” Miller asked, cheering up at Bellamy’s misery.

Bellamy glared at him through his fingers. “I kept thinking that I would have preferred someone to repeatedly gauge out my eyeballs with a rusty spoon than spend another second with that fucking woman.”

He got a laughed out of Miller, until he paused and frowned. “Wait. You went out with Clarke, right? The pretty and intense blonde?”

“That’s one way to describe her.”

“I met her when Monty and I were picking up Jasper and Maya from the gallery. She was super nice. She even helped Monty out with some old prints from a children’s book that he was looking for. I mean he just mentioned it in passing and she looked and found it, and the two went to get the prints together. Monty absolutely adores her now.”

Bellamy couldn’t believe that. There was no way that hellish woman he went out with was the same person. He found it difficult to believe that Clarke could do anything nice for anyone but herself.

“Well she was less than nice tonight.”

“Probably cause you were an ass.”

“I wasn’t an ass.”

“You were such an ass.”

“You weren’t even there.”

“Yeah, but you’re an ass to most and I bet she didn’t put up with your shit, and now you’re all pissy.”

Bellamy frowned, “maybe I was a bit of ass, but she was a downright bitch.”

“Language, Bellamy Blake, what would your mother have to say?” Miller joked, his previous bad mood completely gone.

Bellamy rolled his eyes and opted to ignore Miller and watch the show instead. Miller did the same, until the next commercial when he turned to Bellamy.

“Has all of Jasper’s dates with Maya been double?”

Bellamy frowned, that couldn’t be right. Could it?

“I think so…” He said hesitantly, trying to go over all the dates Jasper told him about in his head. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure all of his dates have been double.”

“That’s sad, right? That seems pretty sad to me.” Miller said.

Bellamy agreed. “Should we be concern that Jasper can’t date his girlfriend by himself?”

“Probably.”

“Are you going to talk to him?” Bellamy asked.

“Why do I have to talk to him?”

Bellamy shrugged. “You’re dating Monty, be default Jasper is your responsibility.”

“What? If anything you should talk to him, you’re the dad of the group.”

“I’m not the dad.”

Miller snorted, “Yeah and I’m not gay.”

They went on like that, arguing about Jasper, Clarke, Miller’s relationship, and so on. It was nice spending time with his best friend, he had missed Miller since he unofficially moved in with Monty.

Bellamy woke up to Max barking as Miller left in the middle of the night to go back to Monty. He rolled his eyes and collapsed back onto his pillows. He thought it was incredible that none of the couples he knew seemed to be unable to sleep by themselves.

_How pathetic could you get?_

**~*~**

It had been about a week since the disastrous double date and by the look of it, Clarke was nowhere near out of his life. She was quickly becoming part of the group and everyone seemed to gravitate towards her.

The only people who didn’t seem to adore Clarke were himself, Octavia, and maybe Murphy, but he didn’t really count. Murphy hated everyone.

The rest though, they were all traitors, especially Miller who was now playing pool with the princess.

Bellamy was glad Octavia disliked Clarke as much as he did, it made him feel justified. His sister was an excellent judge of character, he just wished everyone else could see what they saw. He poured O another whiskey sour, for being the only non-traitor left. She smiled gratefully at him.

Raven entered TonDC in her usual manner and gleefully sat down next to Octavia at the bar. “So I hear tonight's the night I meet the wonderful Clarke.”

Bellamy groaned and Octavia rolled her eyes.

Raven laughed. “Come on you two, she can’t be that bad.”

“She can. She is.” He said, before sighing. “Your usual, Raven?”

“Yes, Sir Mr. Bartender.”

Octavia pursed her lips, “She not terrible, I guess.” She paused, trying to find the right words. “It’s just that she’s, well she’s kind of like all those Delta Nu girls we hated during college.”

Raven’s whole face turned dark at the name Delta Nu and Octavia continued. “You know, the pearls and false niceness. They were all bright smiles, but you just knew they were talking shit about you. That’s what Clarke’s like. I can see her as a Delta Nu.”

Raven glowered, “I hate Delta Nus.”

“Of course you do, they’re awful human beings.”

Bellamy handed Raven her beer, “You two do know that college is over, maybe you should let go of the sorority hate.”

Octavia glared, “Bell they were awful to us and awful people deserve to be hated by the people they tormented as long as they want.”

“Didn’t you start it by putting that mud bomb in their house?” He questioned.

“Okay, first thing it wasn’t a bomb,” Bellamy snorted, but his sister continued like she hadn’t heard him. “Second of all they started it by making fun of Jasper and stealing his clothes, making him walk naked across campus. That was terrible. And third-“

Bellamy waved her off, “I get it Delta Nus are terrible people and I’m a terrible person for questioning that.”

He turned to Raven, “Are you really _that_ excited about meeting Clarke?”

She shrugged, sipping her beer. “I guess. According to Wick and Monty I’m going to love her, but Octavia thinks I’m going to punch her. ”

Bellamy gave his sister a look.

“What? I’m not telling her to do it, Bell. I just think she will and I really wanna see it, you know if she does do it.”

“Right.” Bellamy said slowly. “Well Raven, she’s at the pool tables if you want to go see her.”

Raven turned around and her eyes widened, “Oh my god, Claire Gryffindor is over there.”

Claire Gryffindor was the infamous second girlfriend of Raven’s old high school boyfriend, Finn Collins. Raven discovered Claire’s existence in her first year of college and had learned that Claire and Collins had been dating for about a year and a half.

Raven had called her freshmen roommate, Octavia, having no one else to call. She’d been extremely drunk and was crying hysterically over the phone. Octavia had called him in a panic and they drove three hours to pick Raven up, as Octavia stayed on the phone with her.

By the time they got there, Raven couldn’t remember the other girl’s name.

She just slurred, “Finn’s with her, he’s with Cla-Clar Griff—Gryffindor. Claire Gryffindor. Claire Gryffindor and Finn Collins, the happy couple, no room for Raven Reyes or Ravenclaw Reyes. No love for the Ravenclaw.”

She then threw up in the bushes, while Octavia rubbed her back soothingly.

Bellamy didn’t really know Raven back then, but he definitely wanted to punch Finn Collins in the face for making her cry. After that night though Raven and Octavia became inseparable and the best of friends, and by proxy he became good friends with Raven too.

Bellamy and Octavia both turned around to look at the pools tables, curious and excited to see the infamous other woman. However the only female he saw was Clarke…Clarke Griffin. His mouth opened in shock, Clarke Griffin was Claire Gryffindor.

Octavia seemed to have come to the same conclusion and she was almost giddy. He on the other began to panic. As much as he couldn’t stand the princess, he wouldn’t want anyone to go up against Raven, she was downright vicious.

Before Bellamy could think of a plan to stop Raven from killing Clarke, she was already halfway to her. He quickly rushed from behind the bar, not exactly sure what he was going to do once he reached them.

However he was too late and Raven was already at Clarke and, and nothing happen. Well nothing violent happened. Raven wrapped her arms around Clarke and hugged her tightly.

Bellamy wasn’t sure what was happening and by the look on Clarke’s face neither did she. She seemed shocked that Raven was even there, let alone hugging her.

Bellamy awkwardly went back to the bar, feeling lost, while Octavia just stared in shock as Raven and Clarke began to laugh together.

“Wasn’t expecting that.”

“Nope.”

Raven and Clarke found a booth and just talked and talked, for an impossibly long time. If he didn’t know better, he would have thought Clarke was an old friend of Raven’s, not Collin’s infamous other girlfriend.

Raven got up to order a second round of drinks for the two of them. While Bellamy had managed to keep Octavia from the booth to let the two talk, he couldn’t keep her from opening her mouth once Raven was at the bar.

“What the hell Raven?” She hissed.

“What?”

“You’re seriously okay with Finn’s other girlfriend?”

“Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because this is the girl that your boyfriend of six years cheated on you with and dumped you for.”

Bellamy groaned at Octavia’s bluntness and Raven’s whole body stiffened.

“Thanks Octavia, I completely forgot all about that.”

Octavia’s tone softened, realizing what she had said. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just-I mean are you sure you’re okay with this? With her?”

“It’s not her fault, Finn cheated on her too. Besides it’s been several years, I think it’s safe to say I’m over him.”

Raven continued. “Sure it sucked at the time. But the way I see it is if I hadn’t met Clarke that night, I probably be married to Finn by now and would’ve eventually walked on him and his mistress that he would undoubtedly have at this point or maybe his other wife.”

Octavia pursed her lips, “I guess so.”

“Look it happened years ago and Clarke and I are good. She’s pretty awesome. You should come join us, I promise you’ll like her by the end of tonight.”

Octavia frowned, but quickly caved in. “Fine.”

Thirty minutes later Bellamy was glaring at the three of them, specifically Octavia, who had become a traitor like everyone else.

She was laughing and genuinely enjoying talking to Clarke. What was next? Was Max going to leave him for Clarke too?

He could almost hear Jasper telling him that he should give the princess a second chance. That he just caught Clarke on a bad night and if he tried again the two of them would get along great.

The night continued and the dinner crowd waned out and the drinkers started coming in. Bellamy was glad for the distraction. 

Octavia approached the bar, laughing softly at an apparently hilarious conversation she just had with Clarke. Traiter.

She ordered their drinks with a bright smile. "You know Clarke isn't all that bad."

"You've spent all of an hour with her and your whole opinion just changes like that." He said, sounding far more bitter than he intended.

Octavia shrugged. "To be fair, my opinion was practically based on even less than that. I'm not saying you should date her or anything, oh god I can't even imagine that. But you should at least try and make nice."

He handed her the drinks. "Thanks, but no thanks." He would rather die than drink the Kool-Aid that Clarke was handing out. 

**~*~**

It seemed in the next few days, everyone more or less had accepted Clarke into their friend group. Bellamy himself was starting to get used to seeing his sister, Raven, and Clarke hanging out at a table. His dislike of Clarke was probably more than just ridiculous at this point, but Bellamy couldn't let go of that that Clarke was capable of being nice and perfectly friendly to everyone, except him.

He tried to ignore that particular thought and Clarke herself, but that was easier said than done. She was always in his peripheral vision, it was like he couldn't help, but notice her. It was more than annoying. 

Clarke had left her earlier spot with O and Raven, once Lincoln and Wick joined them. She was now with Maya, laughing as Jasper and Monty tried to beat Miller at pool, with no hopes of winning. 

More customers came and Bellamy found himself busy getting drinks, forgetting all about Clarke and his traitorous friends. Truthfully he had always liked working at the bar, it was a way for him to relax and clear his head.

Bellamy was flirting with a gorgeous brunette in a low cut dress for quite some time, before noticing that Clarke was sitting at the bar.

He told Megan that he would be right back as he walked over to Clarke, trying to be polite and a good bartender. “What can I get you princess? Another margarita on the rocks?”

“No. I’m good.” She was looking down at the counter, biting her lip. She looked like she wanted to say something, so he waited against his better instincts.

“Um…I wanted to, well I wanted to apologize for the way I acted on our date.” She said softly, clearly uncomfortable and embarrassed. Bellamy raised his eyebrows, he hadn’t been expecting that.

“I was quite rude and well a downright bitch to you, and you didn’t deserve that. I had a really terrible day and I took it out on you which wasn’t fair, even though you were an ass.”

“You know it’s not an apology if you insult me right after.”

Clarke glared up at him, “at least I’m trying,” she spat out.

“Kidding princess, kidding. We’re good, apology accepted.”

“Really?”

He shrugged, maybe not completely, but Bellamy felt uncomfortable with a nervous Clarke. It seemed unnatural.

“Sure. We all have shitty days and take it out on an innocent civilians.” She gave him another look, “and I’ve been told that I can bring out the worse in people, so I’m sorry if I was an ass.”

She smiled brightly at him, “apology accepted.”

He was about the head back to Megan, but curiosity got the better of him. “What made the day so shitty?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“Sure I do. I’m bartending, I’m obligated to care.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, but told him anyway. “Well let’s see the guy I was dating, Chad-“

He interrupted her. “Wait, hold up. You were dating a guy name Chad? Seriously, Chad? Have you ever seen a movie? Chad is always the obnoxious douche in the first act.”

She laughed and Bellamy was struck once again by how stunning she really was. He wanted to make her laugh again, but that didn’t mean anything. Who wouldn’t want to make a gorgeous woman laugh?

“Lesson learned, I’ll keep that in mind in case I run into anymore Chads.” She smiled at him and rested her elbows on the counter and Bellamy leaned closer. “As I was saying, the guy I was sort of seeing broke up with me that morning. Basically he told me that I was cold and not committed to the relationship, and he never wanted to see me again.”

“Rough.”

“Oh, it gets worse. Then at work one of the girls was sick so I had to take over her appointments, as well as deal with my own. And of course her 12 o’clock was my ex-girlfriend and her wife, who she left me for. So I had to pretend that I was okay with that and help them pick out art for their brand new home, like a professional.”

“That-”

“Oh no, still getting worse.” Bellamy raised an eyebrow at her, amused by her frustration and definitely not attracted to her flushed cheeks and messy hair coming loose, as she continually ran her fingers through it.

“So then my boss calls saying he’ll be out of town for the next two weeks and I am in charge of the upcoming exhibit. I have no idea what to do, the artist is weird and not helpful with how he wants his exhibit to look. He just said no to everything I suggested.”

Clarke paused to breathe and there was definitely something wrong with him, because he wanted nothing more than to kiss her.

“Then I called to complain to my mom, which was just stupid on my part. She informs me that I am overreacting as I just work at a little art gallery and it’s nothing compare to the stress she experiences as a surgeon.”

Bellamy let out a low whistle. “Damn.”

“By the end of the day I really didn’t want to go on our date, but Maya told me that Jasper had to practically beg his friend to go on the date. Overall it was not a great day for my self-esteem and you were an ass, so that didn’t help.”

Clarke smiled sheepishly at him and her flushed cheeks were now sporting a full on blush. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to get carried away like that.”

Bellamy chuckled, “Don’t be. I’m impressed that you didn’t strangle me that night.”

“I was tempted.”

“I bet and I’m sorry for my part. In my defense though, the beautiful woman I’d been set up with hated me, so that was a low blow to my self-esteem.”

Clarke laughed and Bellamy felt his pride swell at the sound.

They continued talking to each other, laughing and flirting, and when he eventually remembered Megan, she was long gone. Bellamy couldn’t find it in himself to be that upset, especially when he and Clarke ended up in his office.

He was sitting at his desk while Clarke was straddling his lap, rolling her hips against his. He groaned against her lips and she let out a breathless laugh, and he nipped her bottom lip.

His fingers ran up her leg, underneath her dress. Bellamy pulled away from Clarke, “This okay?”

She nodded and licked her lips, Bellamy groaned again and kiss her hard on the mouth. His fingers soon found their way into her underwear. He ran two fingers through her folds, she was hot and wet. He quickly found her clit and started rubbing insistently against it. Clarke gasped and rolled her hips into his hand, trying to get more friction.

She pulled on his hair and brought his face closer to her, her tongue sweeping into his mouth, making him regret the fact that they hadn’t done this before. Clarke moved to palm him through his pants, grinning viciously as he halted. He rubbed harder and she came hard and fast, collapsing on top of him.

She was breathing heavily, when he put her on his desk. He fumbled for a condom while Clarke took off her underwear. They were still mostly dressed when he entered inside her, but neither of them seemed to care about that, or the fact that anyone could walk into his office at any moment.

Bellamy buried his face into Clarke’s neck, leaving a dark bruise. She wrapped her legs tighter around his waist, meeting his rough rhythm for every stroke.

He moaned into her neck as he was getting closer to his release and Clarke’s hand went in between their bodies and she began to rub her clit to her own satisfaction.

“That’s it princess, that’s it.”

With a silent gasp she was gone and Bellamy followed soon after, he was panting heavily into her neck as she ran her fingers through his hair.

It had been quick, rough, and overall messy. It wasn’t romantic or sweet, but it’d been quite fun and Bellamy was definitely not opposed to an encore.

Clarke was still sitting on his desk, after they cleaned up, when she began to laugh. He brought her down into his lap again, enjoying the way she curled into him.

She nudged his nose with hers, “Just to clarify, apology accepted?”

Bellamy laughed and kissed her, maybe she wasn’t as bad as he thought.

**~*~**

A week had passed since he had heard from Clarke. The two had parted on good terms, with the definite possibility of another hook up in the near future.

It had been difficult to not call her, so when she called him while he was closing up he was more than relieved.

She was breathless over the phone and she was rambling on about how he needed to come to the gallery right away and he needed to fix some hole at the gallery. It was one of the oddest late night calls he had ever received, but he went with it and told her he would be there shortly.

However when he arrived at Mt. Weather Gallery, he found himself in a very different situation than he’d been expecting.

“Holy shit, there’s a hole in the wall.” He exclaimed.

“Well of course there is. What did you-Did you think I was calling you for a booty call?” Clarke asked, exasperated and frustrated.

Bellamy felt his face heating up and he looked down in embarrassment. “I don’t know, maybe.”

Clarke groaned and he got a closer look at her. She was stressed and exhausted, and clearly on the brink of murdering someone. “Look, I’m not opposed to the idea of sleeping with you again.”

“Thanks.” He said sarcastically, “That’s what I like to hear, you’re not opposed to the idea.”

She glared, “I need this wall fixed, okay. One of the stupid pedestals for this stupid art show crashed into this stupid fucking wall and said art show that my boss put me in charge of is tomorrow. I need this goddamn fucking wall fixed or I could lose my job. And I’ve called several places and no one could get it done by today and Raven said you had worked in construction or something and might be able to fix it. And I’m desperate and I can’t lose my job…and I-.” Clarke began to hyperventilate.

Bellamy rushed to her and hugged her, rubbing her back calmly. “Breath, princess. Just breathe.” He felt her breaths slow down, but he didn’t pull away.

“Have you considered putting a table in front of it?” He asked.

The looked she gave him actually scared him. “No, why didn’t I think of that? Thank you for solving this crisis. What would I do without you and your wise guidance?”

“I was just asking.”

Clarke leaned her head against his shoulder, “I know.” She sighed, her breath hot against his neck. “I did try to put a table there, but the artist is about the bare minimum for his show, just the pedestals and his living statues.”

“Living-“

“Don’t ask.” Bellamy just nodded and held her.

She pulled away and rubbed her eyes, quickly composing herself back into the calm and collected woman that he knew. “Sorry about snapping at you and sorry that I’m such a mess. It’s been a very stressful day.”

“You seem to have a lot.”

Clarke gave him a weak smile. “Thanks for coming anyway or I guess, I’m sorry you came on false pretenses. You can go, I got this.”

He turned to look at the hole, it was large but not too deep. He was pretty sure he had some old spackle paste for when he needed to fix up TonDC a couple months back.

“I’ll be back in twenty minutes.” Bellamy gave Clarke a quick kiss on the forehead before he headed out.

He returned thirty-five minutes later, but he had what he needed.

It was stressful to work with Clarke pacing behind him, making nervous sounds every time he moved. If he wasn’t positive she murder him on the spot, he would have snapped at her already. But with some cardboard, spackle and some amazing workmanship on his part he managed to cover the hole. He got up and stared proudly at his handy work.

“It just needs to dry and you can paint over-” He didn’t get to finish, as Clarke began to kiss him.

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” She said, between kisses.

He grinned, fingers brushing underneath her shirt. “Do I get a reward?”

Clarke nodded, biting her lip as she led him to one of the lounge couches. She pushed him down and kneeled between his legs, pulling his pants down and taking him in her mouth. He groaned and put his hand on her head, guiding her.

It wasn’t like their last encounter, Clarke was entirely focus on him and she took her time and seemed to enjoy teasing him. When he came, she wiped her mouth and crawled onto the couch with him, curling into his side.

“Do you want me to-” He trailed off unsure if he should return the favor or let Clarke rest next to him.

“Next time,” she muttered into his shoulder.

Bellamy nodded and pulled her closer.

**~*~**

Two days later as he was closing up TonDC, Clarke entered wearing a trench coat, her hair wet and frizzy from the rain. He smiled at her.

“I heard the show was a big success.” He said, wiping down the last of the tables.

Octavia and Lincoln went and while it sounded like the artist and his work were just weird, it also sounded like Clarke did a great job of running everything. At least that’s what he took from it.

Octavia was surprised that he knew about the show and that he’d even helped Clarke out. He shrugged it off, not wanting to elaborate on why he exactly helped Clarke out, especially not to his baby sister.

“Thanks to you.”

“All I did was repair your wall, thus saving the first show you were ever put in charge of, subsequently saving you from being fired. But really it was nothing.”

Clarke smiled and walked over to him to give him a quick kiss. “Well even if it was nothing, I wanted to give you a proper thanks.”

Clarke dropped her trench coat to the floor, revealing a lacey black teddy. Bellamy stared and his mouth dried up, he swallowed, but it didn’t help.

Clarke smiled at his loss of words, “What do you think?”

The question snapped him out of his stunned silence and he pulled her closer and groped her breast through the lace. “I think you’re going to be the death of me.”

He quickly pulled her into his office, trying not to trip over anything and continued kissing her, despite her fits of laughter. Their third time much like the first two, had only made Bellamy crave Clarke more.

Clarke collapsed against him as he leaned back into his chair. She breathed heavily into his neck as he traced nonsensical patterns on her bare back.

“Next time we should definitely aim for a bed, this can’t be good for my back.”

Clarke leaned slightly away. “There’s going to be a next time?”

He ran his hand through her blonde hair and pulled her into another kiss. “Definitely.”

The next couple of times they didn’t make it to any bed. It seemed as though Clarke had a kink for semi-public places and Bellamy couldn’t really complain about that.

**~*~**

May turned into June and they finally made it to Clarke’s place and more importantly into her bed.

It certainly was nice for his back to lay down on her incredibly soft bed as she rode him slowly, she certainly wasn’t shy with what she wanted. A trait Bellamy greatly enjoyed in his partners, especially with Clarke.

They fell asleep for the first time together that night and it was odd, somehow more intimate than eating her out during the dinner rush.

Bellamy woke up and quickly went to the bathroom, when he finished he couldn’t resist looking around. Clarke lived in a decently sized studio apartment, certainly bigger than the apartment he had grown up in as a kid.

Throughout the room there were racks and racks of clothes, as well as art supplies and canvases, and by the front door there was a large collection of shoes neatly placed on several shoe racks.

He peered into her walk-in closet which she had converted into a cramp studio, she’d barely managed to get a desk in there, let alone three easels.

Her place was nicely decorated and had that live-in mess look that Octavia loved, but it felt empty. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, until he noticed there was a decent lack of personal effects. It seemed _rather bare, even lonely_.

What did he care?

This was just sex, at most it was a causal relationship. Even then, from his experience with casual relationships one actually went out with the other person. The only times he saw Clarke were when she was with their friends at TonDC or to have sex.

Bellamy contemplated heading out, but Clarke and her bed were far too tempting. He crawled back under the covers and hesitated before kissing Clarke on her bare shoulder, wrapping his arm to pull her closer.

The next time he came over, he couldn’t help but ask about her closet art studio. Clarke shrugged, coming out of the bathroom, slipping into his shirt and her underwear.

“I need a separate space to do my art. Usually I can sketch anywhere but to get work done, I need to be separated form everything else. _It’s always been like that_.” She crawled under the covers next to him, curling into his side.

He wondered what it be like for her to do that all the time, not just post-coital.

He wrapped his arm around her waist. “Why not buy a bigger place? That would be a lot easier than turning the rest of your apartment into a closet.”

“I can’t afford a bigger place.”

Bellamy tried not to react, he really did, but he was sure she could afford a bigger place. “I know art supplies can be expensive, but it can’t be that expensive.”

“You’d be surprise, besides most of my money goes towards my clothes.”

Apparently he couldn’t hide his reaction that time.

“What’s with the face?” She asked.

“What face?”

“The face you’re making.”

“Are you calling me ugly? Because this is my normal face.”

She glared and hit him. “Ow.” Bellamy considered what he was going to say next,  he wouldn’t get hit again.

“You just don’t seem like the kind of person who’d be interested in fashion or designer clothes, it seems frivolous for someone like you.”

“Someone like me?”

“Well,” Bellamy paused picking the right words. You’re so serious and practical, I guess I associate fashion with someone more like my sister.”

“You mean someone more fun.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“I can be fun. I am a very fun person.”

Bellamy grinned, it certainly was fun for him to wind Clarke up. “Typically people who have to declare they’re fun, aren’t really all that fun.”

Suddenly she on top him. “I can be fun.”

“I’m going to need some convincing here.”

She rolled her eyes, but moved to take off his shirt, until he stopped her.

“Keep it on.”

She raised an eyebrow at him in disbelief, “really?”

He shrugged and rolled them over so he was on top. “You’re not being much fun right now.”

Clarke proved to him how much fun she was and he was never quite so happy to be proven wrong.

Bellamy groaned when he pulled away from her, he couldn’t stay for the rest of the night despite how tired he was and how much he did not want to leave. Clarke followed him, her mouth never leaving his. She was making it as difficult as possible for him to leave, but much to his disappointment he did manage to get back home.

**~*~**

Bellamy found that it was difficult to kiss and touch Clarke, while he was looking for his keys. It was a warm and muggy Saturday night and Clarke was running her cool hands on his sticky chest, and he was having a very difficult time with basic thought.

They managed to walk to the door and even more amazingly he managed to unlock the door. The mood quickly evaporated as Max started to bark at Clarke, abruptly interrupting their kiss as Clarke jumped back.

Max quickly quieted down when Bellamy told him to, he laid on the ground looking expectantly at Bellamy for a reward.

Clarke clung to him as he entered the house, she seemed _terrified that if she left his side Max would tear out her throat_. While Bellamy wanted to continue the night in his bedroom, he thought it be better that she wasn’t scared shitless of his dog.

He called Max over and Clarke just clung to him harder, her nails biting into his skin.

“Max sit, stay. Good boy.” He kneeled down and reached for Clarke. “Okay, put your hand out for him to smell.”

She clutched her hand to her chest. “What are you crazy? I need my hand.”

“He’s not going to bite if off.”

“Tell that to him.”

“Max don’t bite off the princess’s hand.”

“Cute.”

He grinned up at her. Usually Bellamy found it annoying when people were scared of Max, he got that Max was a big dog and perhaps not the friendliest, but still there was no reason to be terrified. However on Clarke, it was more amusing than anything else.

“His bark is far worse than his bite.”

Clarke glanced worriedly at Max. “His bite could still be terrible.”

Bellamy rolled his eyes, “just treat him like you would any other dog and you’ll be great.”

“I don’t have experience with dogs, how am I supposed to treat one?”

“Think of him like any other pet-“

“I’ve never had any pets.”

“That’s just sad. How have you never had pets? Don’t rich people have pets? I feel like that’s a thing, you know with the dog shows and pure breeds, plus owning cheetahs and komodo dragons.”

She arched her eyebrow. “I’ve never known anyone who’s owned a cheetah or a komodo dragon.”

“You’re clearly not hanging out with the right people then.”

“Clearly.”

Bellamy reached out for her hand again and Clarke hesitantly gave it to him. Max leaned forward and sniffed it, surprisingly not growling. However when Bellamy moved her hand to pet Max, he quickly moved away.

“Traitor,” he muttered, glaring at Max. He got up and rubbed Clarke’s shoulders. “Feel better?”

“Yeah, I’m good.” She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Do you want to take this to your room?”

“God yes.”

**~*~**

Next Saturday, Bellamy woke up wrapped around Clarke. It was nice and if he was being honest with himself he wouldn’t mind waking up like this on a daily basis.

As he untangled himself, she moaned at the sudden lack of warmth and burrowed herself further into the covers. He smiled and quietly got ready for his morning run. He paused as he was about to leave his room, unsure if he should let Clarke know where he would be.

He didn’t like the idea of Clarke waking up and thinking that he just left her.

Bellamy gently shook her awake, “Clarke. Clarke.”

She looked at him confused, still half asleep. “Bell? What-what time is it?” She yawned.

“6:25.”

“Why?” She asked, glaring at him for waking her up so early _._

“I’m going for run.”

“Okay.” She nodded, closing her eyes to go back to sleep.

“Any interest?”

The look she gave him was a murderous one, Bellamy grinned. “I’ll take that as a no. I’ll be back in an hour or so.” He quickly tweaked her nose and left before she was awake enough to strangle him.

He ran with Max slightly ahead of him, running always helped him sort out his thoughts.

He liked Clarke, he really liked her.

Much more than a casual hook up and he wanted something more with her. He wasn’t sure how to change what they had to something else, though. Or if she would even want that with him.

Bellamy’s experience with adult relationships was rather limited, his relationships with Roma and Echo were probably the closest he’s had, if even that.

He and Roma were more friends with benefits than anything else, it just lasted for years.

While Echo and he did date and called each other boyfriend and girlfriend, it wasn’t much of a real relationship. There was no future for the two of them together and they both knew it. It had been fun at first, but boredom and frustration soon took place. They were too much alike, too stubborn and resentful, and afraid of commitment. Their relationship was destined to end as soon as it began.

They broke up, but remained friendly and occasionally hooked up, but there was no chance they were ever getting back together.

This was sad. He was past thirty and had no idea how to be in a serious and committed relationship.

Did he want an actual relationship with Clarke, though? Sure he liked her and wanted to spend more time with her, but that didn’t mean he wanted a relationship like Miller and Monty, or Octavia and Lincoln.

_Did he?_

As of right now their relationship was based on their physical attraction to each other and while they did get along pretty well, was that even enough to start a relationship?

There were plenty of reasons why they wouldn’t work out. They came from very different backgrounds and they were still in separate social classes. Clarke was not the type of woman he typically dated nor even imagined being serious with and he was definitely not her ideal partner for settling down.

Their first meeting showed exactly how disastrous they could become. Did he really want to relive that again?

Still, it wasn’t like he was asking her to marry him, just one date. Just a normal date of dinner and maybe a movie.

Bellamy tried to think about other things as he ran, instead of obsessing over Clarke. There was the Fourth of July barbecue that Octavia was planning and hosting at his house to think about. He needed to hire a new waiter for TonDC. His house needed a new paint job and the front yard also needed some work as well.

His thoughts kept drifting back to Clarke. Was she coming to the barbecue? What color would she like to paint the house? Would she like living in a house with a yard? Or did she prefer living in the heart of the city in her apartment?

All he could think about was Clarke; her blonde curls, blue eyes, and little mole. Her gorgeous smile and that infectious laugh of hers. He loved the way she was restless and always ended up doodling on practically everything.

No matter how hard he ran, he couldn’t escape her.

He finally got back to his home and stopped, Max panting and circling around him. Bellamy breathed heavily and shook the sweat from his curls.

He decided right there, that he would ask Clarke on an actual date.

If it went terrible, then it went terrible and there was nothing he could do about it. He would move on and he supposed they could become friends, he was still friends with Echo and Roma.

_What if it went well though?_

Bellamy didn’t have time to wonder about that possibility as Clarke greeted him from the kitchen, wearing his sweat pants and shirt, her hair pulled into a messy pony tail. She smiled at him and his heart skipped.   

“Did you make breakfast?” He asked, hoping for some food after his run.

A light blush formed across her cheeks, “I didn’t want to be rude and just take your stuff without checking with you first.”

He nodded.

It was strange having someone around who didn’t act like his home was theirs. This house, especially when Octavia lived here, was a second home to most of his friends. Sure it was invasive at times, but he liked taking care of everyone.

“Let me take a quick shower and I can make us some breakfast.”

“Or I can, if you want.”

“Uh, sure.”

“What do you want?” She asked, going to the fridge and surveying the food he had.

“Eggs and bacon?”

“Sounds great, go take a shower.” She waved her hand dismissing him from the kitchen.

When Bellamy finished his shower, Clarke was almost done. He smiled at the sight of her and Max on the floor underneath the table. Bellamy went to pour them some coffee. It was all very domestic and he couldn’t resist kissing her on the cheek.

“It smells delicious.”

“Thanks.”

They ate in comfortable silence and Bellamy pretended he didn’t see Clarke giving scraps of food to Max, who was warming up to her.

“What’s _‘A Day in a Roman’s Life’_?” She asked suddenly, and he looked up to her holding the pamphlet for the exhibit next weekend.

Bellamy tried to contain his enthusiasm when he started to explain the exhibit, but that didn’t quite work out.

“It’s a temporary walkthrough exhibit, where you go through the different daily lives of people from different classes in the Roman Empire, specifically the Julio-Claudian dynasty.The exhibit is based on Professor Cartwig’s work, which is all about understanding what life was like in Rome and the differences between the highest to lowest people. It’s supposed to be very engaging; you start at the daily life of the emperor, based on the Emperors Augustus, Tiberius, and Claudius. Then as you continue, it goes down through the social classes, ending at the day to day life of the different types of slaves there were. The section on slavery is supposed to be very interesting, it’s based on Cartwig’s third book which was all about the trials and tribulations of being a slave in Ancient Rome. It really is one of her best works, it explores how some slaves became freedmen and even wealthy, but of course the senate couldn’t allow them to hold any office, but their sons could--

Bellamy paused, realizing exactly how much he was talking. “Sorry, this is boring.”

“Not at all, it sounds rather interesting actually.”

Before he could stop himself Bellamy found himself asking. “Would you like to go with me?”

Clarke’s smile rivaled the sun, “I would love to. When is it?”

“Next weekend. We could go on Friday and you could stay over from the Fourth of July barbecue Octavia is planning on Saturday and-” Bellamy noticed that Clarke’s face fell, he was pushing his luck.

“If you want to do that, we don’t have to.”

“No, no. It’s just I’m leaving Thursday afternoon to spend the weekend with my family. Sorry. ”

“Oh, that’s alright.” Bellamy tried not be crestfallen, he planned on going by himself anyway.

“Um, but I should be back by Sunday morning, so if you’re willing to wait until-”

“Sure.” He exclaimed, smiling. “That’ll be great.”

“Then it’s a date.”

He beamed at her as she smiled down at her breakfast. It was a date.  

**~*~**

The good feeling Bellamy had last Saturday morning soon dissipated. Over the next week he began to dread his upcoming date with Clarke. The more he thought about it, the more he realized how much a terrible idea it was. One of his worst.

They didn’t have much of relationship, other than sex and a few conversations. That was nothing. It certainly wasn’t something you could actually build a relationship out of.

But he didn’t want a relationship with Clarke. He just wanted… _what did he want?_ He looked over to her playing darts with Raven and he couldn’t help smile, Clarke was just awful and it was ridiculously cute watching her get more and more frustrated.

Bellamy groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. This was a terrible idea. Why did he ask her out? Why did he think this was a good idea?

The first time they met, they were at each other’s throats. Bellamy couldn’t stand a few hours with her, let alone a whole day. What was wrong with him?

He felt on edge and nothing could take his mind off his upcoming Sunday with Clarke. He was driving his employees insane, his friends, Octavia, and even Miller.

Miller definitely wanted to punch him on Tuesday when they were watching the game and all Bellamy could do was fidget and pace around, just because he couldn’t decide where to take Clarke out for dinner.

All he could think about was how he was going to screw it all up and all the ways it could end disaster.

What if they hated each other again? Bellamy didn’t think he could stand hating Clarke while she was friends with everyone else, especially his sister.

Bellamy furiously washed the glasses in the sink behind the bar, almost breaking one. He was losing his mind.

_Why did he ask her on a date?_

They had a good thing going and he ruined it by inviting her along. He liked her and he liked what they had going. He didn’t want to mess things up with Clarke. He wanted her to like him, to enjoy the date, to feel the same way he felt about her.

That was the problem. That's what he was dreading.

He was worried that she’d be the one to hate the date or discover she couldn’t stand him. It’d be one thing if they both hated each there, it’d be another if only she hated him.

Clarke whooped in victory as she finally managed to hit the dartboard, and his stomach dropped at the sight. This was bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was planning on Bellamy's POV being just one really long one-shot, but I've been working on this for almost four months, and I'm still have a lot more to do. So I decided to make it a multi-chapter piece. 
> 
> I hope you all like it, as I both hate and love this piece.
> 
> Chapter title comes from Shiver By Maggie Stiefvater, which I haven't read, but I liked the quote.


	2. Tears are the summer showers to the soul

Bellamy waited at the front of the museum for Clarke to arrive. He tried not to be nervous, but was failing miserably.

He checked his phone, 1:13pm showed brightly on his phone. She was thirteen minutes late, but that was okay, she said she was running a bit late.

He locked his phone and put it back in his pocket, only to take it out again and check to see if she called or texted him. There were no new messages.

Was he at the wrong spot to meet her? He said by the fountain, didn’t he? Was this only fountain? He was pretty sure it was, Bellamy resisted the urge to look up all the fountains listed near the museum.

He was on time, wasn’t he? He had checked his calendar about a hundred times in the past two days to make sure he had the right time and place, but it wouldn’t hurt to check again.

Saturday, July 5 1:00pm-Meet Princess at Museum Fountain.

He was where he was supposed to be.

Did she have the right time? Maybe she went to the wrong museum or a different fountain. Could something have happened to her?

Should he call?  He wanted to make sure she was okay, but she was only seventeen minutes late now. That seemed more than just a bit late, was she even coming?

Was it too soon to call her? Probably. Yes, definitely too soon.

It’d be weird if he called her. He should wait to call her.

Bellamy walked around the fountain for what he seemed like an ungodly amount of time before checking his phone again.

1:19pm, only two minutes had passed.

He was about to text Miller, asking him what the appropriate time to wait for a date to arrive was, when google failed to give him an answer.

Suddenly two warm hands cover his eyes. “Guess who?”

He turned around, relieved that Clarke had arrived, except there was no curvy petite blonde standing in front of him.

“Echo?”

“The one and only.” Her smile was all teeth, and Bellamy couldn’t help but smile back. Echo’s affections were not given out freely, it was nice being one of the few people she cared about. 

Bellamy hugged her and Echo laughed, ruffling his hair with familiar affection. “Don’t have to ask why you’re here, Blake.” She nodded her head to a banner advertising Cartwig’s exhibit. “The real question is why are you out here and not in there pleasuring yourself to all that old crap?”

Echo practically shouted that last part and an older woman glared at him, saying something about dirty perverts ruining society. 

“Charming.” He shook his head as Echo mockingly waved to the woman, as she walked away.

Bellamy wondered how all the women in his life were so loudly inappropriate; Octavia, Raven, Roma, Echo, even Monroe and Harper. Were all women like this or was it just the ones he knew?

Was it him? Did he somehow attract loud women who had no filter for their deviant minds?

“I’m waiting for someone.” He said quietly, as she turned her attentions back to him.

Echo’s grin became wider, almost feral.

“You have a date.” She circled around him like a predator, if anyone could read him it was Echo. “And you’re fucking nervous.”

Bellamy’s face flushed.

Echo laughed. “This is great Bellamy likes a girl.” She said in a sing-song voice.

“Cute. How old are you again?”

Echo stuck her tongue at him. “You’re adorable. You have feelings for this girl, and not just wanna bone her feelings, mushy heart feelings. I don’t think I've ever seen you like this.”

Her eyes widened in glee. “Oh my shitting god, you’re taking her to a museum for a historical and cultural date. I mean I know you’re a fucking nerd and shit, but this is fanfuckingtastic.”

Bellamy groaned, “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

“Hell no, I want to meet this girl.” Echo looked around, “Where is she?”

Bellamy tried not to sound too disappointed, “She’s running late.”

Echo barked out a laugh. “Are you being stood up? Has this ever happened to you before? Are you going to cry?”

“Most people would be sympathetic, you know.”

She shrugged, not caring. “I would be, except this is wonderfully pathetic.”

“Screw you Ec-” Bellamy paused, a crowd of people away was Clarke in a strappy summer dress that was showing a decent amount of her back.

She was facing away from him and it looked like she was about to walk away. He called out to her, and she turned around at the sound of her voice. She looked gorgeous, her hair pulled into a messy bun with little daisies, and her loose curls framing her face perfectly.

Bellamy met her halfway, with Echo on his heels, a large smile on his face. He didn’t bother to hide his joy from Echo, she was going to make fun of him anyway.

Clarke gave them an easy, practiced smile that didn’t sit well with him. “I didn’t see you over there. Hi, I’m Clarke.” She reached out to shake Echo’s hand.

Echo raised an eyebrow at her, but returned the gesture. “Echo. I’m a friend of Blake’s.”

Clarke’s smile didn’t meet her eyes. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Bellamy knew she didn’t mean it and Echo wasn’t fooled either. He was reminded of when he first met Clarke, she had been infallibly polite (at least at the beginning of their date), but there had been a coldness to her. She’d been all nice pleasantries and nothing more.

Bellamy knew Clarke was a genuinely warm and caring person, so he didn’t understand why she was acting like this.

Clarke turned to him. “Sorry, I’m late. Traffic was terrible into the city. Did you have to wait long?”

“Not at all.” He said shortly, unsure how to interact with this Clarke.

Echo clapped her hands, breaking the tension. “Well this was fun and I would love to stay and embrace the awkwardness happening right now, but I have to be anywhere but here. So have fun Blake.”

Echo quickly walked away, and Bellamy would have been annoyed or even amused by her reaction and quick getaway in any other situation, but he was worried about Clarke.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “How was your Fourth of July?”

“It was fun, lots of bright lights and loud noises.”

“Good.” He nodded awkwardly, it seemed as though his worries for this date were not unfounded.

“Shall we?” Clarke asked, pointing to the museum.

“Sure.”

They walked into the museum in silence. Bellamy handed the tickets to the front counter girl, who might have been trying to flirt with him, but he ignored her in favor of handing Clarke her tour information package. 

He looked down at Clarke, her face was still in a tight smile and Bellamy wanted to crack through her stony demeanor.

He sighed, “Are you okay?”

“Of course I am.”

She was far away from him, even though physically she was barely even a foot away. Still, the distance she was putting in between them made his chest tightened.

“Clarke what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Her voice was perfectly calm and soft and Bellamy wanted her to get angry or upset, to feel what he was feeling.

They continued walking to the exhibit, until Bellamy pulled her into a secluded corner.

“Bella-“

“Something’s wrong and I want to know what it is.” Clarke refused to meet his eyes. “Is it Echo?”

Clarke’s whole body tensed up and her smile faded.

“Princess,” He said softly.

“It’s stupid, really.” She mumbled more to herself than him, fiddling with her watch.

“Well let me be the judge of that, if it’s stupid I’ll let you know.” He joked, trying to lighten the mood, but Clarke didn’t smile.

“I just thought…I mean I assumed that we were-.” Clarke was refusing to look at him. “I thought this date meant that we were exclusive, but clearly I was wrong, so-”

“We are exclusive!” He blurted out.

She looked at him in surprise. He wanted to feel embarrassed for his sudden outburst, but Clarke’s face was oddly vulnerable. He’d never thought of Clarke being insecure, she always seemed to radiate confidence. He was an idiot, she had saw him with Echo and thought he was seeing both of them.

Given how some of her past relationships ended, of course that's what she thought. She’d been hurt once again.

“I’m not with Echo, we just ran into each other. I-we are exclusive…” Bellamy paused, that wasn’t really true though. He rubbed the back of his neck, already feeling uncomfortable.

“I mean we haven’t talked about it, but I’ve only been seeing you and I want us to be exclusive.” Bellamy sighed, “This was my way of trying to do that, but I guess I should’ve just said it.”

“I want that too.” Clarke said, a small but genuine smile appearing on her face.

She looked around and he followed her gaze, spotting a bench in the corner. “I guess we should talk about this, before we continue with the tour.”

Bellamy followed her to the bench, relieved that he wasn’t the only one feeling awkward.

“So?”

“So.”

They stayed there in silence, until Clarke spoke. “I hate these conversations, I’m just awful at them.”

Bellamy snorted, “Trust me I won’t notice. Making sarcastic commentary to Miller about his love life is probably the closest I’ve ever been to talking about this stuff.”

Clarke smiled and she gathered herself to speak. “Okay, well I guess it’s decided that we’ll be exclusive.”

Bellamy nodded.             

“Um…Do want us to date or just have sex?”

“Both. Definitely both.”

Clarke gave a small laugh, and he felt warmth expand in his chest at the sight of her face opening up.

“Okay, so we want to go out with each other exclusively.”

“And continue having sex.”

“And continue to have sex. Is this casual or serious?”

Bellamy paused, unsure how to answer. “What do you mean?”

Clarke sighed. “I guess, do we think this can go somewhere? Or are we just fooling around until something better comes along?”

Bellamy frowned, he’d been trying to avoid those thoughts for a while now.

“I don’t know. I do like you Clarke, I really do. But I’m just not sure if there is something more here or if I’m even capable of an actual serious relationship.”

Disappointment flashed across her faced. “I’m sorry Clarke.” He said quietly.

She leaned against him, intertwining her hand with his and he relished in her closeness. “I get it, Bellamy, I do. For now do you want to see how we feel as we go along?”

Bellamy’s throat tightened. “Sure, that…um…that sounds good.”

Clarke squeezed his hand and Bellamy felt another surge of warmth.

He knew the next question had to be asked, despite how much he wanted to avoid it. “Do we want to tell people?”

Clarke tightened her grip, and looked up at him trying to gauge his reaction.

“I don’t know. Seeing how this is our first serious conversation with one another, telling people could be problematic. If this-” Clarke gestured in the air at the word, “doesn’t work out. It will be awkward, especially since we're friends with the same people.

She gave him a small wry smile. “And since you’ve known them for years, I would be the one that would have to make new friends.”

Clarke was frowning, before letting out a dramatic sigh, “I don’t want to make new friends. I really suck at it. You?”

“God no, new friends are fucking awful. I can barely stand the ones I have now. I mean people in general are just awful.”

Clarke laughed and rolled her eyes at him.

“I agree, Princess. I want to keep this between the two of us, for now. See how it goes.”

Clarke stared skeptically at him.

“What?”

“I’m trying to decide if you’re agreeing with me because you like sneaking around to have sex or because you just don’t want Octavia know you've been keeping this from her.”

Bellamy leaned down to kiss Clarke, “I do like sneaking around.” He murmured.

She was breathless when he finally pulled back, and he really was starting to enjoy how flushed her face could get.

“One more thing.” Clarke said, taking a breath to collect herself, and Bellamy tried to contain his smugness. “What if things don’t work out? I mean do you see us being friends?”

“I don’t see why not. I’m friends with my other exes.”

“You are? Who?”

“Echo and Roma are really the only two. Raven and I did hook up years ago, but we’re not really exes.”

“Oh,” Clarke frowned and her brow furrowed, he could see her putting up her defenses once more.

“Do you have a problem with me being friends with my exes?”

“No, I guess not.” Clarke sighed. “It just seems weird to me, being friends with your exes. It’s like a more intense version of keeping their stuff.”

“You don’t keep anything from your past relationships?” He asked, surprised.

“God no,” Clarke looked horrified at the thought. “Do you?”

“Probably. I mean I’m not keeping their underwear or anything, but I’m sure some things have been left behind.”

He glanced down at her in disbelief. “You really don’t keep anything?”

“Absolutely not. It’s the first step in my process to moving on quickly and efficiently.”

“You’re telling me that you meticulously go through all your stuff, picking out everything you’ve collected or been given from a relationship, and just get rid of it?”

“Of course.” Clarke said, like it was obvious. “Keeping their stuff reminds you of them and that keeps feelings around. A clean break is the only way to go. Once I’ve returned or thrown out their stuff, it’s time to move on. I usually give myself a couple of weeks for the moving on process.”

Bellamy stared at her, it sounded so intense and formulaic. “Has anyone told you, that you’re absolutely terrifying?

“All the time.” She said brightly.

“You really don’t keep anything?”

“Nope.”

“What if it’s something valuable?”

“I would return it to them or sell it, depending on how it came into my possession during our time together.”

“What if someone gave you the Starry Night painting?”

Clarke stared at him. “The actual painting?”

“Yes.”

“How did they get it?”

Bellamy couldn’t tell if she was joking or not, “It doesn’t matter.”

Her nose scrunched up in an adorable way when she frowned. “Of course it matters. If they stole it, I have to report them to the proper authorities and return it. If they somehow came across the original and the one on display is a fake, I have no right to keep it for myself. If they somehow legally obtained it, it would be my duty to put it on display for the world to see it.”

Bellamy stared at her in stunned silence, until he broke out laughing. “Oh my god, you were one of those kids, weren’t you?”

“What kids?”

“The kids that were such sticklers for the rules, the goody-two-shoes who always told the other kids what they were doing was wrong.”

Clarke pouted. “No, I wasn’t.”

“I bet you were.”

“I’ll have you know I was quite rebellious in my youth.”

Bellamy couldn’t stop laughing, Octavia had been rebellious, and while he didn’t know Clarke when she was younger, he doubted the existence of her rebellion.

“I was.”

“I’m sure it was quite the scandal when you didn’t become a doctor and lived the difficult life of an artist working at a high end gallery that sells ridiculously expensive art.”

She huffed and turned away, her cheeks puffing out in frustration.

He pulled her into him, giving her a hug and a sloppy kiss on the cheek. “I bet you were adorable in your righteous and moral ways.”

Clarke looked at him fondly, biting in her smile, before she stood up and stretched, holding her hand out for him.

“So, Ancient Rome?

As they walked through the exhibit, Bellamy was surprised by how easy it was to be with Clarke. He thought it’d be at least a bit awkward, considering they just dissected their whole relationship, but it wasn’t.

He felt lighter, it was a relief to be able to hold her hand or wrap his arm around her and not think about what it meant or worry what she thought it meant.

While the exhibit itself was interesting, Bellamy’s enjoyment of it was magnified by Clarke’s presence.

She asked him questions about that exhibit and was generally interested in his opinion. If she didn’t understand something she would demand he explain it again and if he went on and on about something she would kiss him to shut him up. Earning them a few stares when things got a bit more heated.

Clarke surprisingly knew some facts about Ancient Rome that even he didn’t know, but she mostly told him really bad historical puns throughout the afternoon. 

He met Dr. Cartwig and talk to her about the exhibit and her new book, even getting a copy of it, which she signed for him. Clarke was trying her best not to laugh at his excitement, but was doing a miserable job. Still though, she put the book in her purse so he didn’t have to lug it around.

At the end of the tour Clarke dragged him to the gift shop and though he grumbled about the prices, he couldn’t help but smile as Clarke looked around.

Bellamy walked towards the ‘raunchy’ section of the shop, it was filled with terrible historical innuendos on everything: mugs, shirts, pencils, postcards, and even a commemorative tray.

He began looking through the mugs, when one in particular stood out to him and he grinned as he picked it up. It read, _I may not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you_.

Clarke had told him that exact line in the merchants section of the exhibit, and the same older woman from before looked scandalized and glared at him with her angry little eyes. He thought it was unfair that he got the bulk of her anger and not the two women who were saying the, _"disgusting, filthy and perverted"_   kind of talk that she clearly disapproved of.

Clarke had been quite pleased with herself, as he choked on his own laughter. She continued trying to outdo herself with puns and lines, each one getting worse.

“Hey princess, check this out.” Bellamy turned around to show her the mug, but it slipped from his fingers and crashed onto the ground, the handle breaking off.

“Impressive.” He glared at her.

“Sir, you’ll have to buy that now,” squeaked the teenager at the cashier and Bellamy turned to glare at him.

Clarke was doing nothing to hide her amusement.

He grumbled and cursed as he pulled $23.99 to buy the stupid broken mug. The kid shrunk away from him. Clarke had to physically pull him out of the shop, telling him it wasn’t the cash register’s fault, but Bellamy wanted to blame him, so he continued to glare at the terrified kid until he was physically out of the shop.

After dinner when he dropped Clarke off at her building, he handed her the gift bag with the broken mug.

“Don’t forget your gift.”

“That’s not a gift.”

“Of course it is. I got it for you at the gift shop and I’m giving it to you, therefore it’s a gift.” He argued.

“You didn’t get it for me,” Clarke said. “You broke it and had to buy it, which you were against doing.”

“But now I am giving it to you as a gift.” Clarke stared blankly at him. “You’re seriously not going to take my token of affectionate?”

She rolled her eyes, but reached for the bag, “Fine.”

He smiled, “Bye, Princess.”

“Bye, dork.”

**~*~**

Clarke made another noise, as she hovered above him.

“Would you stop that?” Bellamy asked, frustrated.

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

He pulled himself out from underneath her sink to glare at her. “If you don’t want my help, just say so.”

“I don’t want your help.”

Bellamy rolled his eyes. “Well then you shouldn’t have asked for it in the first place.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “I didn’t. I just told you I was having problems with my sink and you showed up with your tools.”

“I’m trying to be helpful here.” He said defending himself.

“You being half naked under my sink for over an hour, is somehow helpful?” She asked, in disbelief.

 “You know most women would not be complaining about this.” He gestured down at himself, there really was no point to be shirtless, other than to impress her.

Clarke snorted and shook her head at him. “Those women don’t have to live with the consequences of your little plumbing adventure.”

He was about to retort when the piping made a loud straining noise, startling both him and Clarke. If it was possible, she looked even more nervous. “Can’t I just call an actual plumber?”

Bellamy glared, and went back under the sink to get a better look at the problem. “Now you’re just being ridiculous.”

“Calling a professional is somehow more ridiculous than all of this?” She asked.

“Do you know how much those cheats try to fuck over their clients? No this is better.” Bellamy separated the garbage disposal pipe, and he quickly found the problem, gunk was surrounded the entire inside of the pipe, clogging up everything.

“You're completely right, paying $300-$500 is completely ridiculous when you compare it to the cost of them having to fix the new problems you’ve managed to create, plus any hospitable bills we'll have to pay when you injure yourself.” She sarcastically said. 

Bellamy cleaned out the gunk and shone his flashlight to see if there was any damage done to the blades. “Wait, why am I injured?”

“Your hand is in a garbage disposable, that’s seems pretty self-explanatory.”

“The power is off, it’s perfectly safe.”

He couldn’t see, but he just knew she was rolling her eyes, especially when he heard that little scoff. “And strangely enough, that’s not very assuring.”

“Just trust me, princess. Okay?”

Clarke muttered an okay, and he was able to finish working in relative silence. With only the occasional worried sounds coming from her.

“All done.” Bellamy stood up, wiping his hands on his jeans, before grabbing a dish towel from the counter. He gestured to Clarke, “turn it on.”

Clarke was hesitant, but eventually flicked the switch on, and the garbage disposal was running perfectly. Bellamy couldn’t resist giving her a smug smile.

“Don’t get cocky, alright.”

“I’m sorry, that didn’t quite sound like an admission of me being right or a thank you.” Bellamy rested his hands on her hips, pulling her closer.

“Fine.” Clarke huffed, like admitting he was right was killing her. “Thank you for fixing my sink. You being shirtless though was completely unnecessary.”

“You admiring my rock hard abs and bulging biceps as I selflessly fixed all your problems seems pretty necessary to me.”

Clarke gave him a look, one he would even call adoring, before bursting out in laughter. “You’re ridiculous.” She said, pulling herself up to kiss him.

When he was heading out for TonDC, Clarke stopped him. For a second he thought he was being pulled into another kiss, but her face was scrunched up in deep thought.

“Everything okay?” He asked, suddenly concerned with her shift in mood.

“I feel like I’m taking advantage of you.”

“Advantage?” Bellamy gave her a look, not sure where she was going with this. “I can assure everything we just did was a 100% consensual.”

Clarke hit him sharply in the shoulder. “That’s not what I’m talking about you ass. I meant all the work and repairs you’ve done for me since we started seeing each other. I feel like I should compensate you for the work you’ve done.”

Bellamy gave her a dark look, his mood souring. “That’s not necessary.”

“It is. I feel guilty.” She said.

“It’s fine.” He snapped harshly.

Her face pinched in frustration, “Bella-”

“There’s no need, Clarke.”

She sighed, he could already see the telling signs of her growing anger. “At least let me compensate you for the work you did at the gallery.”

He didn’t wanted her to pay him. He didn’t want her to think he needed her money, but he could tell she wasn’t going to let this go. “Just for the gallery. I’ll give you the cost when I get to TonDC.” He said, caving in.

“Great.” She exclaimed, jumping up to hug him.

Bellamy had no idea what to do or even say. He felt uncomfortable with the idea of Clarke paying him for any work he’d done for her. But at least she seemed happy with the agreement.

“You know most people go out of their way to not pay someone.”

Clarke shrugged, giving him a peck. “Have fun at work.”

Bellamy shook his head, feeling somewhere between oddly affectionate for Clarke and frustrated with her. “I’ll see you tonight?” He asked.

“Yep. Don’t forget the costs for Mt. Weather.”

He just nodded as he headed out. When Bellamy did give her his estimated costs, he may have given her a much more discounted price that he would have for anyone else. Perhaps it was illogical or just plain stupid, but he didn’t need her charity.

**~*~**

Bellamy found himself staring, across the table , at his sister who was talking animatedly about a party she wanted to host, or more accurately wanted to host at his house.

That wasn’t odd or suspicious in itself, his sister was a social butterfly if there ever was one. Octavia thrived off of social interactions.

She loved throwing celebrations of any kind together, from simple family dinners to over the top parties. Yet something wasn’t right, Octavia was talking about a party, but she wasn’t actually saying anything in particular. Even stranger she hadn’t comment on the fact that he wasn’t even listening to her anymore.

Bellamy knew Octavia. Knew her better than anyone else did or ever would. He had raised her and he knew she was nervous about something.

He narrowed his eyes as she continued to talk, trying to figure out what she was up to. Octavia rarely got nervous, and especially not like this.

She wanted something from him and Bellamy gathered that it wasn’t something she could beg or force out of him. No doubt O convinced herself that she needed whatever it was that she wanted.  Like when she was twelve and needed to start wearing make-up or else she was going to die. Octavia desperately wanted something and he wasn’t going to like it, she wouldn’t have put up so much effort into buttering him up otherwise.

When he told Clarke that, she rolled her eyes and called him paranoid, but she didn’t know Octavia, not like he did.

Yesterday he had to come in to TonDC, when a quarter of the afternoon staff was sick and couldn’t come in, O offered to help him out. He was desperate for the help, so he didn’t question it at the time.

It became unnerving though, when he noticed that she was actually being helpful, and even stranger she kept to herself, lost in her own thoughts. It had been unsettling seeing her so quiet and productive.

The nightshift arrived and they were free to leave before the dinner crowd came rushing in. Bellamy became even more suspicious when Octavia offered to buy him dinner. He declined not trusting his sister and knowing that Clarke was making him boeuf bourguignon for dinner; a dish he knew to be time consuming and tedious to make.

He told Octavia as much, minus the part where his secret girlfriend was cooking him dinner at his house.

Octavia had looked both relieved and disappointed, but quickly recovered demanding he have dinner with her the next day.

And there he was, sitting across his sister at their mom’s favorite restaurant, a little Italian place.

It didn’t stop there, Octavia had been quite inquisitive about his life during dinner; asking him about his book that was never going to get published, documentaries he knew she didn’t care about, historical events she didn’t know, and his love life which she couldn’t know about.

It was a spectacle for sure, O was upfront and blunt to say the very least, subtlety was not her strong suit. If she was wasn’t make him so nervous, he would’ve been amused.

“What is this really about, O?”

She froze, but smiled sweetly. “What do you mean, big brother?”

“Come on,” He said, exasperated. “You helped out at TonDC yesterday, you’ve been quiet and haven’t called me a nerd in the past three days. You took me out to dinner tonight with no Lincoln in sight, at mom’s favorite restaurant. What’s going on?”

She bit her lip and twisted her hands in her lap, Bellamy was really starting to get worried. “Is everything okay? Did something happen?”

“Something did happen, but everything is okay. In fact everything is great, more than great, everything is absolutely fantastic.”

“Okay?” Bellamy wasn’t sure where this was going.

“Okay, well here it is.” She took a deep breath, “I’m in engaged…to be married…to Lincoln. Obviously of course.”

Bellamy felt his heart stop, his whole body was paralyzed. He couldn’t breathe, this wasn’t happening. His baby sister was getting married. No, absolutely not. She was far too young.

“Are you pregnant?”

“What? No!” She exclaimed. “Why the hell do you think I’m pregnant?”

“Why else would you be getting married?”

“Because Lincoln asked me, and I love him.”

“That’s not good enough,” anger coursed through his veins. She was too young, too immature, she wasn’t ready to get married.

“I’m sorry? Why the hell is that not a good enough reason?” She snapped, getting just as angry as he was.

“You’re too young.”

“I’m twenty-four.”

“Exactly.” Bellamy wished she understood how young that really was. “You’re not old enough to know what you really want in life.”

“I know I want to get married to Lincoln.” Octavia paused, taking a few calming breaths. “Bell, I’ve been with him for five years now and-”

“My point exactly.” He interrupted her, practically seething. “You’ve been with the same guy since you were nineteen, O. A man I should remind you is six years older than you.”

“Really? You’re bringing that up again?” She asked, “I thought you were over that, besides you like Lincoln.”

“I don’t like him that much.” Octavia face contorted into a harsh, angry look and Bellamy knew his face mirrored hers. “He’s too old for you and….” Bellamy tried to think of another reason why he didn’t like Lincoln, “and he has too many tattoos.”

Octavia snorted in disbelief. “Are you shitting me? Seriously? You have tattoos Bellamy! I have tattoos!”

“Which he gave to you.” He nearly shouted, still somewhat aware that they were at a restaurant.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head in anger, “They’re tattoos Bell, not STDs. I got them, Lincoln didn’t give me anything, besides he only did the one on my back.”

“The largest one.” He snapped, he knew it was a childish argument, but she couldn’t get married. Octavia couldn’t end up like _her_.

“I don’t know why I thought you’d act differently than this. I thought you would be happy for me, clearly I’m an idiot.”

“Happy? You thought I’d be happy with you throwing your life away?”

“Oh my god. Do you hear yourself right now? I don’t-How do…I don’t even know how to respond to this bullshit.”

They both sat their silently fuming and glaring at each other. The other patrons were whispering among themselves and the staff were far too terrified to approach the feuding siblings.

“No.” Bellamy said quietly, she couldn’t do this.

“No?”

“No. Absolutely not, you can’t get married. I forbid it.”

Octavia let out a bitter laugh, “You forbid it? Well here’s some news big brother.” She spat out big brother as though it was poison, making his veins run cold.

“I wasn’t asking for your permission as I fucking don’t need it. I wanted to share this great thing with my family, with you, but clearly I’m a fucking idiot to think you’d ever be happy with me having my own life.”

Octavia got up, her face was void of any emotion, not even anger. It looked like she was going to say something, but she shook her head and walked out, leaving Bellamy alone.

When he got back home, he found himself outside O’s old room. It hadn’t even been three years since she moved out, but it felt like forever since she lived here with him.  Most of her childhood stuff was here, her room was a time capsule of her life from childhood to college.

Bellamy knew he should’ve made Octavia take all of it or at least boxed it all up for storage, but he didn’t have the heart. He always wanted her to feel like she had a home.

He sat on her bed and Max followed, resting his head on Bellamy’s lap, whining softly.

Bellamy stared blankly at the butterfly decorations, accompanied by boy band posters and pictures of their family and her friends on the walls. Octavia’s childhood books and toys she couldn’t bear to throw away were neatly put away in a corner. Her school projects and martial arts trophies were spread throughout the room, highlighting her achievements.

They had moved into this house when O was ten and he was seventeen. Octavia had been so happy to live in a real house and was beyond excited to have her own room. He remembered how she screamed when she saw the backyard, almost breaking down in tears, she’d been so happy.

Bellamy on the other hand had been less than thrill, he knew exactly how their mom could afford this place. The knowledge of who his mother was, what she was, led a bitter anger to boil through him.

He remembered being so angry at her, disgusted even. Ashamed. Tears trickled down his face as he thought about his mother and all the things he said to her.

She had deserved a better son.

Bellamy wished he could go back to those last few years and tell her what a great mother she’d been. That he loved her and she was the best mother he and Octavia could’ve ever had.

He wanted to tell her that he was sorry. He was so sorry, he didn’t mean any of the shit he yelled at her, storming back to college.

He traced the initials A. B. on his inner left wrist, right above O’s initials. He got those tattoos when he was twenty, three months after the funeral.

Bellamy wiped the tears away angrily, he couldn’t stay in this house.

He texted Clarke, asking her if he could stay at her place for the next few days. She replied yes and he quickly packed what he needed and Max into his truck and drove to her apartment.

When he arrived Max jumped up and down, happy to see Clarke. Bellamy smiled, he was grateful and happy to see her as well. It felt like days, which was ridiculous as he was with her this morning.

Clarke quickly sensed something was wrong, and wrapped her arms around him into a tight hug. She didn’t say anything or asked him what was wrong, just led him to her bed and ran her fingers through his hair.

He felt better, but the guilt was still twisting in his stomach.

Bellamy kissed her and pushed her into the bed, pinning her down with his hips. Clarke took off his shirt and quickly unbuckled his jeans. Bellamy touched and kiss her everywhere, wanting to drown out thoughts of his sister and mother. He wanted to suffocate his guilt, bury his anger and sadness. He wanted to feel blissfully numb.

He wanted peace and the only way he knew how to get that, was with Clarke, and she was more than happy to give it to him. 

It wasn’t until afterwards when she was tracing his Ouroboros tattoo on his back that he felt truly at peace. Relieved from his troubled thoughts and past. Her cool hand on his back was like a balm to his anger, she was like a balm to his soul.

Bellamy turned around and faced Clarke, who smiled softly at him.

“Octavia’s engaged.” He paused, before feeling the need to clarify, “to Lincoln.”

Clarke nodded slowly. “And we’re against this because…” She trailed off.

“Because she’s too young. She only turned twenty-four this February, Clarke. And-and Lincoln is way too old for her and she’s only been with him since she was nineteen and it’s too soon.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow at him. “You seem really surprised by their engagement.”

“Of course I’m surprised. I thought she be more responsible, I didn’t think she would make the same mistakes as our-” Bellamy stopped himself.

Clarke didn’t question his unfinished sentence. “Octavia’s not being irresponsible.”

“Of course-”

Clarke interrupted him. “No she isn’t. Octavia and Lincoln have been together for what, five years now? They both have good and steady jobs and from what I can tell are doing well. Besides I thought you and Lincoln got along.”

Bellamy found it hard to argue against Clarke. He wanted to yell and fight like he usually did, but there was nothing to go off of, she was so fucking calm and serene. 

“That’s not the fucking point.”

“So you don’t get along with Lincoln?”

“Not when he’s trapping my sister into marriage.” He spat out.

“What wrong with him?” She raised an eyebrow at him, before continuing. “Does he love your sister too much? Is he too quiet? Is his job too secure for your liking?”

“You’re not being funny.”

“Not trying to be. Please, give me three legitimate reasons why Octavia shouldn’t marry Lincoln.”

“He’s six years older than she is, that’s a huge age difference.”

“You’re five years older than me, so next.”

“He has tattoos.”

Clarke actually laughed, she was clutching her stomach she was laughing so hard.

She finally settled down, wiping away her tears. “He’s a tattoo artist and both you and your sister have tattoos. I don’t even…How is that even a reason for you?”

“She’s only twenty-four.”

“Okay, I’ll admit I personally think that's a bit young to be getting married, but Octavia’s an adult, so it’s her choice, not yours or mine. Besides just because they're engaged doesn’t meaning they're going to get married in the next month.”

“She can’t, Clarke. She can’t get married.”

“Why?”

“Because our mother was twenty-four!” Bellamy snapped, practically shouting. He turned over to glare at the ceiling, hating himself as the words poured out.

“She was twenty-four when she was going to marry Octavia’s dad and then he left. He left her broke and alone, pregnant with his baby and a seven year old to raise by herself. She was trapped in a dead end life and she…she had to… she became a prostitute just to provide for us.”

“Bellamy,” Clarke’s voice was soft, she reached out for him, but he shook her away.

“She looks like her. God, O looks so much like her. I can’t let her do it, Clarke. I can’t. I can’t let her make the same mistakes and ruin her life. Octavia can’t end up like her.”

“Listen to me,” Clarke fingers held his jaw and forced him to look at her. Even if he wanted too, he couldn’t have looked away from her steely blue eyes, looking directly into his soul.

“Octavia isn’t your mother, she’s not going to make the same mistakes. Granted she will make her own.”

Bellamy almost interjected, but Clarke quickly hushed him. “There’s nothing you can do about that, nothing. Some mistakes will be worse than others and might set her back, but that’s life. Maybe marrying Lincoln will be one of those big mistakes, I don’t know, but it’s her life and her choice, Bell.”

Bellamy’s heart pounded as warmth spread throughout his body at the sound of Clarke calling him Bell.

“There is one huge difference between your sister and your mother, and that’s you Bellamy. Octavia had you in her life, which puts her in a much better place than your mother was ever in, because you have and always will be there for her.” Clarke paused, staring at him to make sure he understood what she was saying.

“That kind of love Octavia has experienced is beyond noticeable. It gives her a distinct stepping point, one that many don’t have. Octavia is the farthest thing from being alone, she has a huge support system of people who love and care for her, a system that is held up by you.”

Bellamy didn’t know what to say. No one had ever talked about his relationship with Octavia like that before. Most people talked about it like it was some kind of miracle that he managed to take care of them after their mom died. While others thought he was a selfish dick for not letting her go to a ‘real family’.

They all talked about them beating the odds and overcoming life’s obstacles. No one had ever talked about him gaining custody over Octavia, like it’d been the best thing for her. No one ever said Octavia had an advantage over others, because of him.

“Thank you, Clarke.” She turned her in head confusion at him. “I needed to hear that.”

Bellamy leaned in to kiss her briefly on the lips.

“You’re okay with her getting married?” Clarke asked, hesitantly.

“Not really, but I will be.”

Clarke grinned and moved closer to him, before whistling and calling Max over.

Max bounded from the kitchen and whined at the edge of bed, preparing to jump onto the bed when Clarke called out to him again.

 "No.” Bellamy said sternly to Max, he turned to glare at Clarke and her impish smile. “He’s not allowed the bed.”

 “Of course he is, don’t listen to him Max. Come here boy.”

“He’s my dog.” He said, indignantly. 

“It’s my bed and my apartment.” She retorted, “So I say he’s allowed to.”

Clarke patted the bed and even though Bellamy was clearly giving Max a look that said no, he still jumped onto the bed, resting his head on Clarke’s feet. _Traitor._

“You can’t just spoil him like that. Do you know how long it’s taken me to train him?”

“What’s the point of having a dog if you’re not going to spoil him?” She asked, raising an eyebrow at him. “Besides you’ve had a rough night, you need to cuddle with him. It’ll make you feel better. ”

“He’s cuddling with you.” Bellamy said, still glaring at his turncoat of a dog.  

“Well then I need to cuddle with him to gain back my strength so I can cuddle and comfort you.”

Bellamy groaned in defeat, “I’m too tired to deal with.”

Clarke grinned smugly to herself and curled next to him.

**~*~**

Bellamy and Max stayed the rest of the week with Clarke and for the most part were holed up in her apartment.

It had become his sanctuary from everyone else. A place to come to grips with the fact his baby sister was getting married.

It wasn’t helping that Octavia posted the news on every social media site imaginable. People Bellamy didn’t even know nor ever wanted too, were sending him congratulations for his sister’s engagement.

Their friends altogether avoided the subject and were taking extra caution in making sure the two Blake siblings didn’t interact. Except one idiot. Jasper had the stupid idea to help things along, surprising Bellamy and Octavia with an ambushed meeting, which ended in a fucking disaster.

He felt bad for Maya, who was now a witness to two of his most vicious fights to date. The one with Clarke on their first date and now the one with his sister.

It occurred to him then that Maya was not the only one to experience her very first Blake fight. Clarke had the misfortune to not only have a front row seat, but an all access backstage pass, as his secret girlfriend and Octavia’s friend. 

He would’ve been more upset for her, if she wasn’t forcing him to watch wedding dress shows with her as she took notes for Octavia. She was taking too much joy out of his suffering.

Despite all that though, Bellamy found himself for the most part being pretty content.

Clarke ordered take out for them, while they watched her ridiculous fashion shows and Bellamy may have gotten into Project Runway more than he cared to admit to.

She let him have control over Netflix and didn’t even complain when he alternated between historical documentaries that Octavia would’ve hated or horrible period pieces that he yelled at for their inaccuracies, much to Clarke’s amusement.

After a particularly nasty run in with Octavia, Bellamy found himself sitting on Clarke’s couch with her, watching Gladiator. He couldn’t find it in himself to comment or yell at the movie, let alone even pay attention to it. His fight with O had been one of their worst, he barely remembered what they said to one another. It had been one big blur of yelling and attacking old wounds.

Clarke sat up and muted the TV, before leaning against him and running her silky fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp with her nails. Bellamy wanted to purr in bliss from her attentions.

He wondered how he had managed to fight with Octavia for all these years, without Clarke. She had been so supportive, but at the same time was not shy with disagreeing with him or telling him what an idiot he was being.

Bellamy tried not to delve too deep into those kind of thoughts, it just reminded him that those kind of feelings were way too soon to have for a woman he'd only known for less than three months.

“Octavia hates me.” He said quietly, not sure what else he could say.

Clarke turned to him. “No, she doesn’t.”

“You weren’t there today.”

“True, but I’ve been there for the aftermath of your arguments and she doesn’t hate you. She’s rightfully pissed at you, and wants to strangle you. But she still loves you.”

“I don’t know how to fix this.”

“Yes you do.”

He turned to stare down at her. “What?”

“You go to her and apologize for being an ass and give her the blessing she wants.”

“Octavia doesn’t need my approval, she’s made that very clear.”

“I still can’t believe you forbade her.” Clarke muttered angrily, more to herself than him. “She doesn’t need your approval, but she does want it. Octavia wants your blessing, she wants you to be happy for her, and for you to be a part of the wedding, to share in her happiness.”

“No she doesn’t.” He said darkly.

“She does. Octavia adores you Bellamy and she wants to make you proud.”

“I am proud.”

“Does she know that?”

Clarke sighed. “Look Bell, your opinion matters the most to Octavia, you’re not only her big brother, but the only family she has.” Clarke paused, before continuing. “She is going to get married with or without you, but that’s not what she wants and I know it’s not what you want. Is it?”

“No.” Bellamy said solemnly, that was definitely not what he wanted.

“I just…I look at O and I don’t just see our mother, I see the baby I held when I was seven. I promised I was going to protect her, that nothing bad was ever going to happen to her. The day Octavia was born was the day my life began, and now she’s all grown up.”

Clarke leaned down to kiss him on the shoulder, a surprisingly sweet gesture that made his stomach flip. She rested her head on him, intertwining their hands.

“Tell me about Octavia growing up.” She said, softly.

“Hmmm?” Bellamy wasn’t sure what she was asking.

“Tell me stories about raising your sister.” She looked up at him with such regard that Bellamy knew he was in trouble.

He gave Clarke a watery smile, “I named her. Did you know that?”

“No.”

He nodded, remembering that day as clearly as though it just happened. “Octavia wasn’t due for another two weeks when she was born.”

“Impatient as ever.”

Bellamy grinned. “That’s O.”

“I was so scared when it happened, we were halfway down our building’s stairs when our mom couldn’t go any farther. She gave birth to O right there on the steps.” Bellamy frowned remembering how scared he’d been, but instead he focused on something brighter.

“My mom gave Octavia to me then and told me I could name her, so I named her after Emperor Augustus’ sister, Octavia the younger.”

Clarke snorted, “Of course you did. What seven year old wouldn’t?”

Bellamy pinched her side in retaliation, making her squeak. He continued with the story and found himself telling Clarke all the important moments he could remember. How Octavia’s first words were Bell and her very first steps were towards him. He laughed as he remembered what a nightmare she had been, only ceasing her crying when Bellamy told her stories.

He told Clarke about teaching Octavia how to ride a bike when she was eight. She demanded he let go of the bike and let her do it herself, subsequently crashing into a bush. She quickly got back up though and refused help from him or their mother.

He told Clarke when Octavia was eleven, she had her first kiss and Bellamy and his friends tied the boy up to a tree, letting everyone know Octavia Blake was off limits.

Clarke stared in horror at him, “You tied up an eleven year old?”

“He was twelve.” Bellamy said defensively.

“Well that makes it so alright then.” Clarke said sarcastically, shaking her head.

“If it makes you feel better Octavia punched me in the stomach.”

“Surprisingly yes, that does make me feel better.”

The rest of the night continued on like that, Bellamy telling Clarke stories about raising Octavia. By the end of it, the idea of Octavia getting married didn’t seem that impossible or even something he should dread.

He stared down at Clarke, realizing exactly what she had done. He kiss her on the top of her head, “You are way too devious for your own good.”

Clarke just snuggled further into his side and though he couldn’t see her face, he knew she had that smug smile on her face, the one he was beginning to love.

They eventually moved to the bedroom, Max obediently followed Clarke onto the bed, much to Bellamy’s annoyance.

He was about to fall asleep when Clarke poked him in the side, “What’s Max’s real name” She asked.

Bellamy stared through the darkness at her, “Max.” He said, not sure where she was going with this.

Clarke snorted in disbelief, “I doubt the seven year old who named his sister Octavia, would as an adult simply name his dog Max.”

Bellamy was glad she couldn’t see him blushing, and he reluctantly told her. “Magnus Maximus, Emperor of the Western Roman Empire.”

Bellamy groaned as Clarke burst out laughing. “Oh my god, you’re such a nerd.”

“Shut up,” he said, slightly crossed.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Clarke said, barely managing to get the words out.

"I feel like you’re not being sincere here.”

Clarke took several deep breaths of air, “I’m sorry. Really, I’m sorry.” She took another deep breath to calm her laughter down. “Goodnight, Bellamy.”

“Night.”

“Goodnight Magnus Maximus, Emperor of the Western Roman Empire.”

Bellamy groaned into the pillow as Clarke continued to laugh her ass off.

**~*~**

Bellamy found himself in front of Octavia, two weeks after she told him about her engagement. An angry Lincoln was behind her, glaring at him with unbridled anger.

Bellamy took a deep breath, wishing Clarke was there to help him. “I want to apologize for the way I've acted.”

Octavia uncrossed her arms. “What?” She questioned, as though she didn’t believe what she was hearing.

“I’m sorry that I was an ass and treated you like an irresponsible kid who didn’t know what she was doing. I know you’re an adult and you’re capable of making your own choices.” He looked over to Lincoln, “I’m also sorry for what I said about Lincoln.”

Octavia’s was silent, Bellamy wasn’t really sure what else to say, but he needed her to forgive him.

“I don’t have an excuse for how I acted, but it wasn’t about you. I panicked and overreacted, I was scared that you would make…that you were-” Bellamy choked on the words, but continued despite the queasy feeling in his stomach.

“I was scared you were going to make the same mistakes as mom did, which wasn’t fair to you or her. Mostly though I was scared of losing you. You’re not a little kid O, and you don’t need me anymore and that’s something I need to work on.”

He shuffled on his feet, wishing she would just say something. He glanced at Lincoln who was no longer glaring at him, but giving him a small smile. But he wanted, no needed her to forgive him. “Please O-”

Bellamy didn’t get to finish, as Octavia threw her arms around his neck, literally choking him, but he didn’t care. Bellamy hugged her tightly.

“I love you big brother and of course I need you. I’ll always need you.” She cried into his neck, refusing to let go of him.

Lincoln soon joined the hug and Bellamy was glad to be with his family, but a part of him wished Clarke was there too.

**~*~**

Bellamy had no reservations when it came to sharing his book to Clarke, a fact that he barely understood. The only people who’d seen it were editors and publishers he sent it out to and Octavia. Somehow Bellamy was more nervous and excited for Clarke to read it, than anyone else.

When she asked him if he wanted her real honest to god opinion, he didn’t even have to think before he said yes. Because he wanted to know what she thought, and if Clarke thought his book could be improved in any way than he trusted her instincts.

He remembered when she gave her full review, he stared in horror next to her in his bed at the second manuscript he copied for her, covered in red ink.

How in the hell did she manage to do all of this?

“I gave this to you two days ago,” He said in disbelief. “How did you read it in that time? And do all of this?”

Clarke shrugged, “I like being busy.”

“Still though…” Bellamy muttered to himself.

He was starting to regret this. Rejection was not something he necessarily handled with grace. Especially when it came to his book, there was a reason he stopped sending it out to be published.

He didn’t exactly want to know that Clarke thought it was trash.

“I’m guessing you didn’t like it,” He sighed.

Clarke frowned at him, “I liked it. The way you write these stories is amazing, I’ve never read anything like it before. Seriously Bell, the way you write about mythology is really phenomenal, you can tell how much you love them. And the amount of research that must have gone into this is on par with academia from universities.”

“But…” He said, waiting for the bad part.

“But…” Clarke said, looking at him with those big blue eyes. “What’s the point of it all?”

He frowned, “I don’t understand.”

“I mean yes these stories are interesting and you write them beautifully, but that’s it. Why should I read this book?”

“Because you’re sleeping with me.” Bellamy joked.

“Cute. But seriously, what makes your point of view worth reading? Why should I read your take on Greek mythology instead of another author? Why should I bother to read this if I can just look this all up on Wikipedia?”

Bellamy frowned, “I don’t know.”

“Yes you do. Why do these stories matter to you?”

Bellamy understood what Clarke was asking and tried to think of the answer, sure they were interesting in general and he loved history, but why did he pick these ones to write about?

“I guess, because my mom told me these stories and in a way they’re a way to connect with her.”

“And?” Clarke promoted.

“And these myths are thousands of years old, yet we still know them. They still exist in today’s culture and we still frame our stories by them. That’s what these myths do, that’s what history does, it connects the past to the future.”

“That’s what’s missing, incorporate that in your book and I think you have something.”

Bellamy did what Clarke said, he was a man determined and he worked nonstop on his book. It was frustrating and difficult and he wanted to hit something when the words wouldn’t come out, but it was impossible to stop once the words started to flow.

In no time at all Bellamy had his next draft ready for Clarke to read and she loved it and he sent it out the publishers.

Bellamy gritted his teeth as he read the seventh rejection letter he had gotten so far, flexing his hand in and out of a fist. He wanted to punch a wall, but he tried to remember the breathing exercises O told him to do, to help with his anger.

He continued to pace around his bedroom, feeling the need to move around. He needed something to do.

“This one’s not too bad,” Clarke said, reading what he believed to be the sixth rejection letter. “While I enjoyed reading Mr. Blake’s book-“

“They all say that” Bellamy snapped.

Clarke hushed him before continuing, “The strongest points are the myths Mr. Blake retells, the way he describes these legends and the way he connects them to his own life and today’s modern stories. However the formatting and structure of the book reads like a boring textbook from high school that I never want to read.”

“That’s not helping, Clarke.”

She shushed him once more and he rolled his eyes, “While the photos Mr. Blake’s uses are relevant and well cited, they smother Mr. Blake’s writing and suck out the imaginative words he uses.”

“Well I feel better. “ Bellamy said sarcastically.

“Bell, this is good. You’re writing isn’t the problem, it’s the book.”

“How is that good?” He asked, frustrated.

“It’s constructive criticism, all these letters say the same thing. You just got to change the formatting and the order of the book, maybe take a few things out. Bellamy you can do this.”

Her faith in him was nice, but wasted. Bellamy knew he was never going to be an author, never amount to anything. He should’ve never tried.

Bellamy collapse onto the bed next to Clarke, leaning into her as she automatically began scratching his scalp. “Thanks for trying, Clarke, but this is pointless. I can’t do this anymore.”

Clarke pulls her hand away and he groaned at the lost contact, she made him face her. “You have something worthwhile here and I’m not just saying that because you give me lots of orgasms.”

Despite himself, Bellamy smiled and chuckled, unable to look away at the amazing woman next to him.

“Look, how about this, you reformat and edit what you have here and I’ll do the rest.” Clarke said eagerly.

“What?”

“I’ll be like your agent, you send your final draft to me and I’ll send it out to the publishers. I’ll handle the letters and if you get a bad one, I’ll be the one to tell you and I’ll make it better.”

“How so?”

“I’ll read the letters while riding you.” Clarke said, like she was just telling him the weather.

Bellamy choked on his laugher, and shook his head at Clarke.

“I don’t know…”

“What do you have to lose? If I think the letters have something good or constructive for you to hear, I’ll tell you-”

“While you’re fucking me?”

“While I’m fucking you.” She smiled at him with such fondness that he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel.

Her eyes widened in excitement. “I’ll even draw some art for your book, add some imaginative life to match your stories.”

“You really want to do that?”

“Sure. I’ve never been an agent before so that’s exciting. Also since I’ve read your book, I’ve been sketching weird mythology crap all the time now, so I might as well put that to good use.”

Bellamy still wasn’t sure, but Clarke was so confident in him and his book, it was hard to argue with her.

“Fine, but I’m going to pay commission for the drawings. Deal?”

“Deal.” Clarke brightly said, holding her hand out for him to shake.

He didn’t let go, instead pulling her in so he could kiss and mark her neck. 

“Are you starting with my commission already?”

Bellamy laughed into her neck.

It wasn’t until later that Clarke gave him her commission prices, and while Bellamy didn’t know much about art or commission rates, hers seemed way too low.

The idea of Clarke charging him less because she thought he couldn’t afford it, angered him beyond words. While he may not be swimming in money like Clarke, he could afford to pay the full price of her art.

It felt like he was taking advantage of the situation, of her, but worse it felt like she was pitying him.

When Bellamy confronted her about the pricing, she shrugged casually. “Those are the boyfriend rates,” she said, leaning down to kiss him.

He wanted to stay angry and argue with her, but she’d called him her boyfriend. They hadn’t really define their relationship since their second date at the museum, and he’d been too much of a wimp to ask where they stood.

The idea that Clarke didn’t feel the same way as he did, terrified him beyond belief.

Boyfriend, she said boyfriend.

**~*~**

Bellamy woke up with start, confuse to where he was and why he was awake. He quickly realized he was in Clarke’s bed and she was the one who woke him up.

She was twisting and turning, a light sheen of sweat on her skin, and her face was scrunched up. She was having a nightmare.

“Clarke. Clarke.” He said gently, almost afraid to wake her up.

“DAD,” she shouted. Eyes wide and filled with panic, as she desperately looked around the room.

“Are you okay?” Bellamy asked, touching her shoulder.

“I-I’m fine.” Clarke looked down at her lap, her hand going over her wrist, where her watch usually was. She was quiet and still, and he watched as the first tear fell from her face.

Bellamy grab her hands and wrapped himself around her. “It’s okay, you’re okay.” He murmured softly into her hair, trying to comfort her.

“I being ridiculous. It was just a dream.” Clarke said, slightly pulling away from him and wiping her eyes.

“Seemed more like a nightmare.” He paused, unsure if he should ask, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Clarke opened her mouth, but shook her head. “No, I’m alright. It’s was a nightmare, nothing more.”

“You sure?”

“Mm-hmmm.” Clarke gently pushed him back onto the pillows and curled slightly on top of him.

Bellamy wanted to know what the nightmare was about. He desperately wanted to ask, but he knew better than anyone that some things were best left alone. Bellamy stared down at Clarke’s tense face, only she would be this severe when trying to go to sleep.  He was glad he was with Clarke, he was, but sometimes it wasn’t enough.

Sometimes when he was with Clarke it seemed like she was worlds apart from him. She wasn’t the most open person. She wanted to keep herself apart from the rest of the world, whether she realized it or not. Bellamy understood, he understood better than most. If he didn’t have Octavia to take care of after their mom died, he would’ve shut the rest of the world out a long time ago.

Pushing or prying into Clarke’s personal business was of no use, if she wanted to tell him she would and if she didn’t than he would have to learn to live with that. No matter how much it stung.

He settled further down into the bed, making sure not to disturb her. He waited until her breathing slowed down into even breaths before he allowed himself to fall back asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit longer than chapter one. Chapter three won't be coming anytime really soon, there's still more than enough things for me to go over, edit, and maybe even add. Also I want chapter four to be further along before I publish the third one.
> 
> The chapter title is a quote by Alfred Austin.
> 
> Hope you guys like it.


	3. There is a time in the last few days of summer when the ripeness of autumn fills the air.

Bellamy parked his truck and headed towards Mt. Weather Gallery to pick up the last few pieces for Lincoln’s art show, and Clarke as well.

She had been helping Lincoln set up the show for the past couple of months; helping him pick and arrange the venue, even getting other artists to add their works to the show. The very same works Bellamy was picking up.

He didn’t exactly understand why Lincoln’s show about Lincoln’s art, needed other artists’ works, but Clarke said it was important for an upstarting artist like him to have additional artists in their show.

She made a point to explain to Octavia that it still was all about Lincoln’s work. The other works were just going to be enhancements to the main attraction, nothing more.

Bellamy made sure that O was convinced that Clarke knew what she was doing. Not just on the grounds that he didn’t want his sister to attack his girlfriend, but because he honestly believed Clarke knew more than either of them did.

Of course she knew more. This was what she did for a living and from what he understood, Clarke was pretty amazing at her job. She had only been working at the gallery for a year and a half, and she’d been the top sales representative for most of that time, and at this point the person who basically ran everything. Even when the owner was there.

He certainly didn’t doubt Clarke’s competence in her field of work, but he honestly suspected a lot of her success had more to do with the fact that she was an insanely intense and driven person, who had a strong dislike of not being in charge.

She was a force of nature. Clarke would be awesome at any job, really anything that got her attention. And what had gotten her more recent attentions was his relationship with Lincoln or the lack of one.

Bellamy was trying to put more effort into getting along with Lincoln in general, but to no avail

It was Clarke who had emphasized that it’d be nice for him to help out with Lincoln’s show, to show Lincoln and Octavia he was fully onboard with their wedding and relationship in general.

It was a brilliant idea to say the least. Bellamy had already offered to help Lincoln before Octavia could ask, well force him to help, which really did put him in a better light in O’s eyes. But even without that added benefit, Bellamy was trying to show Lincoln he did like him, as Octavia’s fiancée and his future brother-in-law. Helping with the show gave the two of them time to talk, without Octavia’s incessant hovering.

His girlfriend was pretty brilliant.  

He entered the gallery, immediately hearing Clarke talking in the back. He figured she was still in her meeting so he just grab a few pieces, catching the somewhat familiar name of Lexa as he headed back to his truck.

When he returned to gallery he paused at the loud argument happening in Clarke’s office. He couldn’t exactly hear what they were saying, but it clearly wasn’t just a polite business meeting. Bellamy was concerned. He wanted to get involved, but he knew Clarke wouldn’t appreciate that.

Still he couldn’t help himself. “Clarke, everything okay?” He shouted to the back. At the very least she should know that he was there.

Clarke opened her door, and peered out. “Sorry about this, Bell. I’ll be done in a minute, and we’ll head to Lincoln’s show, and maybe to Big Belly Burger afterward, if you want.”

“Yeah, sure.” He nodded, he was still concerned that something was wrong. Clarke was too happy and perky for everything to really be okay, but her smile was reassuring and seemed genuine. She turned back to her office, quietly saying something, while he grabbed the last few pieces and headed out again. Bellamy froze when he clearly heard the other woman’s sharp voice.

“This is what I’m talking about, Clarke. Are you honestly happy?”

“Lexa.” Clarke said.

“I still care about you and I hate seeing you settling down for this kind of life.”

Bellamy closed his eyes and headed out, trying to ignore what the woman said. But the question was burning in his thoughts, _was Clarke happy?_

He took his time to walk to his truck and back, a part of him was curious to what was going on, but he really didn’t want to hear the rest of the argument or the confirmation that Clarke was unhappy.

He knew that Clarke’s life was different from when she lived in New York City, but she wasn’t miserable here with him, was she? He didn’t think so, but then again how would he know?

The other woman was standing in the lounge area when he got back, and though he knew he was being paranoid, it felt like she was waiting specifically for him. She was pretty, in a harsh kind of way, with her brown hair tied tightly back and dark eyeliner encompassing her eyes. She was intense, with a cold and arrogant air to her.

His blood prickled to a boil as he watched her survey him, judging him closely. Bellamy reminded himself that it would not be good to pick a fight with one of Clarke’s clients, as he unflinchingly stared back at her. It was awkward to say the very least.

The woman looked like she was finally going to say something, but stopped when Clarke stepped out of her office. The woman’s face puckered in an unpleasant expression, before she stormed out of the gallery in a huff.

Clarke stepped next to him with a bright and happy smile. “Ready to go?”

Bellamy stared at her and back at the front door, not sure what had happened just then. “Are you going to explain what that was all about?”

“It was nothing.”

“That wasn’t nothing.” Bellamy said, rubbing a hand on her arm in a comforting way, hoping she would open up to him.

“Seriously, it’s fine.”

“Clarke.”

“Please Bellamy.” She snapped. “I really don’t want to talk about it right now, okay?”

“Okay.” He said, defeated.

“Did you get all the pieces?” She asked, already trying to forget the little spat.

“I think so.”

“Great.”

An awkward silence covered them all the way to Lincoln’s show. Bellamy tried not to let it get to him, he really did, but it was gnawing at him. Worse than the silence was his own thoughts.

There was no way that woman was just a business client for Mt. Weather. While it didn’t seem like Clarke liked her, Bellamy still feared that this would be the point where she moved onto to something better. Better than him.

Eventually Bellamy found himself seeking out Raven at the show, if anyone knew who that woman was, it was going to be her. He found her staring inquisitively at a sculpture.

“What the hell do you think it is?”

Bellamy turned to the weird sculpture. “No idea.”

He didn’t know how to approach the subject. He didn’t want Raven finding out about him and Clarke, but he needed to know who that woman was. He was being ridiculous. If Clarke was just his friend, he would have no problem here, but she wasn’t just his friend and that secret felt like it could be easily discovered with one slip.

“What’s on your mind Blake?” Raven asked, now glaring at the hunk of metal as though it was personally offending her with its existence.

Bellamy cleared his throat. “Um…while I was picking Clarke up at the gallery, she was in this huge argument with this woman. She didn’t tell me, um…what it was about. Obviously of course. We’re not exactly friends. But I wanted make sure everything thing was ok with Clarke.”

Raven finally turned around, focusing her inquisitive towards him. “Clarke’s fine. From what I’ve gathered most of the gallery’s clientele tends to be obnoxiously rich assholes. And I’m quoting from Clarke here, ‘don’t know art from the fucking crap in their toilets.’”

He snorted, that sounded like her. “Charming.”

Raven continued to openly stare at him, as though she was trying to figure something. “You know I’m surprised the two of you didn’t get along when you first met. You guys should get together, at the very least as friends. You can rant to one another about the stupidity of people, and art and history and all that nerdy crap.”

“This coming from the girl who can literally quote every Star Trek episode, and is also helping her boyfriend create an actual R2-D2.”  

“First off, we’re geeks, not nerds. They’re completely different. Second of all, Star Trek and Star Wars are cool.”

“Uh-huh. I just wanted to know if Clarke was having any problems with Lexa, not dating advice.”

“Lexa?” 

“Err…yeah? That was the woman’s name.” Bellamy said hesitantly.

“Shit. Shit. Shit. That’s not good. Shit. Shit. I didn’t know she was in town. Shit.” Raven said frantically, looking around for Clarke.

“Who’s Lexa?” Bellamy asked, knowing that Raven’s severe reaction couldn’t bode well for him.

“Lexa, as in Clarke’s ex-girlfriend Lexa. The one she lived with in New York. The one who convinced Clarke to quit her job to focus on her art and move in with her, and then a month later broke up with Clarke and basically kicked her out. That ex-girlfriend.

“Shit.” Bellamy muttered, now remembering why that name had sounded so familiar. “Shit.”

“I have to talk to Clarke.”

“Wait Raven, that’s not necessary.” He tried to say, but she was already on her way to Clarke.

Shit, this wasn’t good. Bellamy wasn’t sure what was worse, the fact the Clarke was meeting with her ex-girlfriend or the fact that he told Raven something Clarke obviously didn’t want people to know.

Bellamy groaned to himself. Shit.

**~*~**

If Bellamy thought the car ride to the art show was awkward than he didn’t know what to call the tension driving Clarke to her place at the end of the night. She wasn’t talking to him, other than one or two short clipped sentences.

He wished someone else had been able to drive her. It seemed like such a great idea offering to be Clarke’s driver yesterday, when he could spend the night with her before she went off to some family retreat at a vineyard. Now, now he was on pins and needles waiting for Clarke to break.

He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Clarke. I didn’t know.”

“You had no right to tell Raven about Lexa.” She huffed, not even turning to look at him.

“I didn’t know who she was.” He tried to explain.

“That doesn’t make it okay for you to talk behind my back about something I clearly didn’t want to talk about.”

“I wasn’t going behind your back. I was worried, you were clearly upset when I picked you up.” Bellamy could almost feel her reflection in the car window glaring at him.

“Then you should have talked to me, not Raven.” She snapped.

“I tried.” Bellamy gripped the steering wheel, trying not to lose his temper. “I tried to talk you, but you just shut me down.”

“Because I was upset at the moment. I’m allowed to be upset and deal with my problems by myself.”

“Dealing with your problems is fine, lying about meeting with your ex is not.”

Clarke finally turned to glare at him, but Bellamy refused to look at her now. “I didn’t lie.”

“You certainly didn’t tell the truth.” Bellamy’s jaw tensed, and his knuckles were nearly white with the intensity of his grip on the wheel.

Clarke took a deep breath, calming herself down. “Me not telling you everything about life, isn’t the same as lying.”

“You not telling me every detail in your day is not the same as purposely leaving out the part where you had a meeting with you ex-girlfriend or the fact that you had a full on shouting match with her.”

“What was I supposed to say, Bellamy? What would’ve you have liked me to say?” Clarke ask harshly, her calm neutral tone vanishing with every heated word.

“I don’t know. How about that was my ex and we just had a nasty fight. I don’t want to talk about it right now, because I’m still upset.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and slump back in her seat. “Oh please, like you would’ve have accepted that.”

“It would’ve been better than you not telling me anything.”

“Why does this even matter?”

“Because I care about you, Clarke.

“Well no one asked you to do that.” Clarke spat out, her face flushed and breathing heavy. “Why did you stop?”

“We’re here.” Bellamy gestured to her apartment building.

“Oh.” Clarke opened the door and stepped out.

 She paused and it looked like she was going to say something, but she just slammed the door shut. Bellamy waited until he saw her enter the building, and drove off ignoring the heavy weight in his stomach.

It wasn’t until late the morning two days later that he heard from her again.

 **Clarke 10:49am:** Sorry for Thursday night

 **Clarke 10:59am:** I’m sorry

 **Clarke 11:02am:** I’m really sorry

 **Clarke 11:19am:** I’m really sorry for the way I acted on Thursday

Bellamy stared at the texts. He wanted to respond, he did, but he had no idea what he was supposed to say to her. He didn’t want Clarke to apologize, he wanted her to talk to him like they were an actual couple.

 **Clarke 11:28am:** Bell?

 **Clarke 11:31am:** Please Bell

 **Clarke 11:34am:** I’m sorry

 **Clarke 11:46am:** If I send you a pic of my boobs, will you respond?

 **Bellamy 12:04pm:** I don’t see a picture

 **Clarke 12:04pm:** Fucking finally, only took you an hour

 **Bellamy 12:04pm:** Still not a picture

 **Bellamy 12:05pm:** Also some of us do have lives and are busy with work and shit

He saw the little ellipsis form for several minutes before vanishing.

 **Clarke 12:08pm:** Bull. You were correcting mistakes on Wikipedia or yelling at the history channel

 **Clarke 12:08pm** : Or both

Bellamy never realized until just now, but having Clarke know him as well as Octavia did was amazing. Something he had unknowingly always wanted. It twisted his insides in a strange way.

 **Bellamy 12:10pm:** It’s scary how well you know me

 **Clarke 12:10pm:** It helps that you’re a creature of habit. You resent change more than anyone I’ve never known

 **Clarke 12:11pm:** I’m sorry for Thursday night. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did and I should’ve told you about Lexa

 **Bellamy 12:15pm:** It’s fine. I shouldn’t have push you to talk about it or got Raven involved

 **Clarke 12:17pm:** You were just being concerned about me, and I took my frustrations out on you

 **Bellamy 12:17pm:** You’re fine

 **Clarke 12:19pm:** So does that mean I can come to Jasper’s party?

Bellamy frowned.

 **Bellamy 12:20pm:** Of course you can. Why did you think you couldn’t?

 **Clarke 12:21pm:** Because it’s at your place and I didn’t want to make a scene or something

 **Bellamy 12:21pm:** You’re always welcomed, no matter what

 **Clarke 12:23pm:** Alright. Great then.

Bellamy assumed the conversation was over so he was surprised when ten minutes later his phone beep with a message from a Clarke. He swallowed as he stared down at a picture of her smiling brightly at the camera, pushing her breasts slightly up in a very nice lacy blue bra.

**~*~**

Bellamy stood in front of the grill cooking burgers for Jasper’s birthday, when he heard someone shout out Clarke’s name in greeting.

He couldn’t help but smile when he saw her, she looked stunning in her light blue dress and it didn’t help that Max was happily trailing after her. Bellamy let out a breath of air he didn’t realize he was even holding when she smiled back at him. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed her until just then.

Clarke leaving to go the vineyard with her family after their fight has left a pit in his stomach all weekend, ruthlessly twisting his insides.

It was ridiculous how much he missed her during the couple days of complete silence, it was even more ridiculous that he still missed her like crazy even after they made up. Logically he knew he should be more concerned with how much he missed her, how much he was invested in this non-relationship, but he couldn’t find it in himself to really care all the much.

He had missed her and from the way she kept glancing at him, it seemed like she missed him too. He smiled down at the grill, trying not to be obvious with the way he was looking at her. As much as he wanted to go over to her and kiss here, their relationship was still a secret, and Bellamy was glad for that

He liked having this one thing for himself. He liked having Clarke to himself, to have their relationship just between the two of them, no one else involved.

Bellamy couldn’t help but feel that their relationship had an expiration date, one that he was pathetically trying to push as far back as he could. He couldn’t ignore that he probably was just something to do for Clarke, until she found someone better, someone more suited for her kind of life. Their fight had put things in perspective, their relationship wasn’t real not really, nor did it have much of future.

Still it was easy to pretend otherwise when it was just him and Clarke.

No one could point out to him that Clarke’s previous relationships were with people who had similar backgrounds to her.

No one could say that as the daughter of a world renowned surgeon and stepdaughter of a US Senator, and close family friend to the Governor’s family that he was definitely not the type of person Clarke should be with.

No one could ask him the obvious question, what was someone like her doing with someone like him? 

Nor could anyone answer with the obvious conclusion that she was simply slumming it down here with him, having a good time, before she found someone better. Someone she could have a serious future with.

He could pretend that those were just in his insecure thoughts and he could bury them in the back of his head. It was easy to believe that Clarke felt exactly the same way he felt about her when it was just the two of them.

Bellamy wasn’t in love with Clarke, but he definitely was more invested than he should be, considering their actual relationship. He couldn’t help it though, he had never felt so strongly about someone like he did with Clarke.

Bellamy finished Clarke’s burger along with his own, he made sure hers was more than well-done and added extra slices of tomato.

They sat next to each other to eat, which wasn’t suspicious at all. They were friends and she was the last to arrive and he hadn’t eaten yet, as he was busy cooking for everyone else, so it made sense they would eat together.

And so what if he even _accidently_ brushed against her more than once, eventually settling with his thigh right next to hers. He missed his girlfriend and once everyone else had left, Bellamy was able to show her exactly how much he’d missed her.

**~*~**

The rest of September passed in a blur of odd tension and little fights and quick make ups. It seemed as though the frustrations of keeping their relationship a secret were beginning to seep out into everything they did together.

Bellamy wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t want to tell his friends nor have their relationship be public, but at the same time it annoyed him that Clarke wasn’t his girlfriend when they were with their friends. He didn’t know how to broach this subject with Clarke and it wasn’t exactly like he could ask Miller or O for advice.

So he picked fights with her. He knew it was petty and childish, but Clarke just brought it out in him.

He wasn’t the only one getting frustrated, Clarke would start as many arguments as he would.

Despite all their almost constant fightingF, Bellamy was genuinely worried that this was a sign that things were ending between then. He didn’t want it to end and he knew he should try harder to not fight with Clarke, but she knew exactly how to get under his skin when she wanted too.

Their fights weren’t particularly huge and they got over them relatively easily and forget their grievances, or they did until the next one arrived.

In early October, two days before his birthday they had one of their nastier and more frustrating fights. It was over something stupid, but it itched under Bellamy’s skin until he eventually lashed out at Clarke.

Harper had wanted to set up Clarke with her brother Reid, thinking they’d be a good match. Bellamy had always liked Reid, he was a few years older than Bellamy, but they were cut from the same cloth: difficult home situations, responsible for their younger siblings, neither of them finished higher education, and they both have had an assortment of jobs.

Reid had helped Bellamy find steady and consistent work after his mom died. He would recommend Bellamy to his bosses for construction and carpenter work. He let Bellamy know there was an availability in Nigel’s Body Shop and even managed to soften the hard Nigel to the idea of hiring him.

Reid was one of those guys that everyone liked. He was friends with everyone. He was the all-around good guy. Obviously, Bellamy didn’t like the idea of his girlfriend going on a date with him, no matter how much he liked Reid, but that wasn’t the problem.

When Harper asked Clarke if she was interested, Clarke harshly decline in that icy and distantly polite way she was known for. Clarke’s reasoning was that she didn’t think Reid and her had anything in common.

Everybody knew what Clarke meant, it was coded in her words, a rejection that most of them had heard growing up. Clarke thought she was better than Reid.

Bellamy knew he had no right to be angry at his girlfriend for declining a date with another guy. But the way she coolly dismissed Reid, without even knowing him, made him see red, especially after seeing Harper’s dejected look.

Harper admired Clarke fiercely and she adored her brother. He imagined that Harper idealized the two people she looked up to the most being together. By rejecting Reid, Clarke had rejected Harper.

That wasn’t the problem though. If Clarke thought Reid wasn’t good enough, than what the fuck did she think about him?

Reid was the all-around good and put together guy that was there for everyone. He had a good job and was the kind of person who would help out anyone on the spot and for Clarke to just say no without even giving him a second thought, made Bellamy’s blood boil.

Bellamy eventually snapped at Clarke one night, much to her confusion which quickly turned into frustration.

“I’m sorry, but are you actually angry that I didn’t go out with Harper’s brother?” She asked him, her face flushed with her growing anger.

“No…yes. It’s more than you just saying no.”

“Please then explain it to me, because I don’t see the problem here.”

“You just said no without giving it a second thought.” He snapped.

Clarke stared at him like he was insane. “Well I didn’t give Harper’s brother a second thought, because I’m in a relationship. With you, in case you forgot that little fact.”

He glared at her. “I get that you said no because we’re dating.”

“Do you? Because you seem angry about me not going on a date with another guy.”

“It’s more than that.” Bellamy rubbed his face. “By rejecting Reid, you hurt Harper.”

“What? I didn’t hurt…Why would me saying no to her brother hurt Harper?”

“God Clarke. Because you rejected her and you made it perfectly clear what you think about her brother and her.”

Clarke furrowed her brow, “I don’t understand.”

“You think Reid isn’t good enough for you to date.” He said harshly, getting more and more frustrated with her.

Clarke’s eyebrows shot up and her eyes widened, “I don’t think that.” She sounded surprised and even a bit hurt. “Why would you…why do you think that?”

“Because you practically said it, Princess.” Bellamy spat out his pet name for her, with far more spite than he intended.

“When?”

“When you told Harper no.”

“What conversation are you remembering? All I said was that Reid and I don’t have much in common.”

“Exactly. I, Harper and everyone else knew exactly what you’d meant by that.”

Clarke let out a bitter laugh. “I meant that I don’t think Reid and I have similar interests.”

“This isn’t a fucking joke Clarke.”

“It’s certainly ridiculous enough to be one.”

“You don’t get it. You-you dismissed Reid, you didn’t even give him a second thought.”

“Oh my god, you’re just going in circles. I didn’t give Reid a second thought, for two important reasons. One I’m dating you, a fact that you seem to be forgetting for this stupid argument. Two, Reid and I have nothing in common.”

“And how would you know that?”

She pinched her nose and let out a frustrate groan. “Fine. Please go ahead and tell me what I have in common with Reid.”

“What?”

“Well according to you, I should be dating Reid. So please tell me what we have in common, because clearly I can’t see it.” Clarke was nearly yelling at him.

Bellamy just stood there, unsure what to say _._ He honestly didn’t think Clarke and Reid had much in common, but that wasn’t the point.

“Does he like going to museums or art galleries? What kind of art does he like? Does he love impressionism? Because as you know that’s one of my favorite styles, so it will be nice talking to someone about that. Does he like modern art? I know how much you hate it, so that’s another thing Reid and I might have in common.”

Clarke took a breath before she continued, her eyes flashing and her face even more flushed.

“I’m guessing he’s an artist, though Harper never mentioned that, but clearly that’s something we have in common if he is oh so perfect for me. He most also love fashion, because I know that’s something me and you don’t have common. Does he like to play chess? Is he a huge and obnoxious fan of football?”

“Clar…” Bellamy tried to say, but she interrupted him before he could finish.

“No please, let me know what I overlooked with Harper’s brother. Oh wait, I know he must be wealthy, because clearly that’s all I care about.”

“I didn’t mean that.”

“You sure about that?”

Clarke grab her purse and started to walk out the door, before turning back to him. “I don’t think I’m better than Reid or Harper or you for that matter. But that doesn’t really matter does it? All you’ll ever see is Maya’s bitchy rich coworker.”

***~***

Bellamy tried to enjoy his birthday party that Octavia had thrown for him. It certainly wasn’t the small party he was promised, but he tried to be happy or at least put on a happy face, but he couldn’t find it in himself to even do that.  

He hated the way things were left between him and Clarke, they hadn’t really talk since their fight. Bellamy knew he overreacted to nothing.

He knew the stress of Octavia’s wedding and TonDC having a bad month contributed some, but it was on him and no one else. He blamed Clarke for those little doubts in his head as though she caused them and not his own insecurities. Which wasn’t fair to her or to himself.

Even if things were over between them, he didn’t want there to be any bad blood. If he couldn’t be with Clarke, he would like to have Clarke as friend. At the very least he wanted her to forgive him.  

He knew she was going to be at the party so he sought her out, to his surprise though Clarke found him first and asked to speak to him alone quietly.

He led her to Miller’s old room, the few stuff that remained was packed and ready to officially move in with Monty. No one would look for them in there. 

“I wanted to say I’m sorry,” they said at the same time.

“You’re sorry?” They asked each other, breaking into smiles at repeatedly talking in unison. Bellamy gestured for Clarke to go first.

“I’m sorry.” She said softly, looking down and fiddling with her watch. She straightened up and her voice became clearer and more self-assured. “I apologized to Harper earlier, explaining what I meant when I said no, and if I did hurt her feelings I didn’t mean too.”

She paused. “I also wanted to explain myself better to you and let you know that I didn’t mean to reject Reid or Harper or anyone for that matter, and if I did than I’m truly sorry. I wasn’t aware that’s what I was doing, but that doesn’t excuse the way I acted. Sometimes I forget that my directness can be less than cordial and comes off in a more severe way than I intend.”

Bellamy smiled fondly down at her, stunned and even a little bit in love with her. “You have no reason to be sorry, Princess. I overreacted and I took out my stress and insecurities out on you. I picked a fight…”

Bellamy paused, unsure how much he wanted to tell her his true reason for fighting with her. Resenting her for just being better than he could ever be or hope to be.

“I don’t have excuse for how I acted, I’m not great at this-” He made a pathetic gesture between the two of them, unsure how to continue.

Clarke nodded with a small frown. Bellamy wanted nothing more than to bring a smile to her face.

“I got you a gift.” He said brightly, moving toward Miller’s closet to get it. He felt ridiculous hiding it like child in his own house, but Bellamy knew how his sister could be more than just a bit snoopy. _Accidently found her engagement ring his ass._

“You did?” Clarke asked, excitement in her voice. “You know it’s your birthday, right?”

“Here,” he practically shoved it in her hands, he was nervous and excited. He hoped she liked it, even if it was a stupid gift.

Clarke unraveled the poster, revealing the Starry Night painting. She stared at it for a second, before raising an eyebrow at him, and Bellamy felt his stomach drop. He was about to say he could return it and it wasn’t a serious gift, so it was okay if she didn’t like it, but she spoke before he could.

“I don’t know how to tell you this, but I think you got scammed.”

He frowned in confusion, but then he got it and he grinned back at her. “Wait, are you telling that isn’t the real Starry Night?”

“Well we of course will have to do some serious testing for sure, but ‘fraid so Mr. Blake. You were cheated.”

Bellamy rolled his eyes and he couldn’t keep his laugh in any longer. “You’re such a dork, Princess.”

“Yeah, but I’m your dork.”

He pulled her into his chest and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly with her back turned to him. He grinned into her hair. “Yeah, you’re my dork.”

Clarke put her hands on top of his and squeezed, leaning her head back to look at him. “Thank you for my present. Yours is outside, so will have to return to the party to get it.”

Bellamy groaned and leaned down to kiss her. “I much rather stay here, you can give me a different kind of present.”

Clarke gave him a slight hum, as though she was honestly considering it. “Tempting, but your sister will kill me for keeping you away from your party.”

He snorted, “it’s more her party than mine.”

“But it’s for your birthday.”

Bellamy groaned again and rested his head on top of Clarke’s. “I hate parties.”

“You are the grumpiest grouch to ever live.”

“But I’m your grouch.” He said smugly, hugging her tighter.

“True.” She turned around to give him a proper kiss. The door was suddenly opened and Bellamy pushed her away.

“What are you two doing in here?”

“Having an illicit affair,” Bellamy said sarcastically. “What do you think we’re doing, Jasper?”

Clarke hit him on the arm, in a completely friendly and platonic manner, not at all like a girlfriend would. “I was just telling Bellamy about the status of his book and the new publishers I sent it out to recently,” she lied, effortlessly.

Jasper stared at them, and Bellamy was sure if Jasper was just a little bit more sober he would’ve put two and two together. “And you have to do it in Miller’s room?”

“Well I caught Bellamy trying to sneak out and then I guess we got wrapped up talking about his book.”

Jasper eyes widened and for a second Bellamy panicked, but then Jasper turned away from the room. “Octavia! Octavia, Bellamy was trying to sneak out.” He yelled, running to find O.

“What?” His sister screeched over the party noise.

“Thanks for that, Princess.” Bellamy groaned. He sluggishly walked to the door, preparing for his sister to scold him when Clarke grabbed his hand.

He looked at her questioningly.

“Bell, you know that I don’t think I’m better than you, right? I don’t, not in anyway.” She looked at him with such tenderness and fierceness, that Bellamy felt his throat clog up with emotion.

“I know.” Clarke didn’t look convince. He quickly leaned down and kissed her, pulling away before his sister came barging in to find him. “I know you don’t think that.”

She nodded and followed him outside.

Just because she didn’t think it, didn’t mean it wasn’t true.

Bellamy knew that he wasn’t good enough for Clarke and if he was a better guy he would end this, end their relationship. Saving her from wasting anymore of her time and saving his own heart from the inevitable pain. But he wasn’t that kind of guy, Bellamy was selfish and greedy. He wanted to keep Clarke for as long as she would stay.

He never wanted to let her go.

**~*~**

Bellamy was going through his inventory and bills, trying to find a way to save money. September had not been a great month for TonDC and while October had been better, he was still nervous. He didn’t tell anyone about his worries for TonDC, not Clarke or even O. He looked up at his sister, going through her wedding dress magazines. Bellamy had told her that he would be paying for a decent portion of her wedding, whether she liked it or not. She was his sister and it was his responsibility.

Telling O about his financial struggles would make her worry and decline his offer, and Bellamy wanted to make sure her wedding went as smoothly as he could make it, which was not as easy as he thought it would be.

For one thing the search for Octavia’s wedding dress had been awful, while she certainly had tried on countless of dresses that Bellamy thought were great on her, O herself didn’t like any of them. He wanted her to find the perfect dress, he wanted O to have that reaction that the hundreds of women on Clarke’s damn wedding dress shows had when they found their dress. He wanted that for O, but at the same time he realistically knew there was no such thing as a perfect dress.

Despite the increasing weight of their problems, Bellamy couldn’t help but enjoy being alone with his sister, he felt like he hadn’t really spent any one on one time with her since September.  It was Sunday, TonDC was closed and it was just nice to just be with her, even if they weren’t doing anything together.

Octavia made a little gasping sound and Bellamy looked up at her again. Her eyes were wide and she was smiling and beaming.  She had the face, the same face all those women had when they found _the dress_. Bellamy looked down at the page, and his eyes widened at the price in the corner.

“O, no.”

“What? Why? Why not?” Octavia whined.

Bellamy didn’t want to be the bad guy, he really didn’t, but he had to make sure Octavia stayed in the realm of reality. He tapped the page, pointing out price. “It costs more than your rent. You can’t spend that kind of money for a dress you’re only going to wear for one day. It’s ridiculous.”

She frowned. “That one day is my wedding day.”

Bellamy sighed, hating the look on her face. “I know that O. And I want it to be special, I really do. But if you get that dress, there goes a good portion of the budget.”

Bellamy knew he was right, but the look on her face was killing him.

“You’re right. It’s just…” She paused, looking so thoroughly crushed and another wave of guilt crashed down on him.

“It’s just what?” He asked.

“I guess it’s the first dress I could really see myself in. I mean-” Octavia ran her hand through her hair. “When I saw the picture, I could see my wedding. But you’re right, it’s way too expensive and there are other dresses.”

“O.” He said softly.

“It’s fine, really.” She gave him her patented fake smile he was all too familiar with. “Besides don’t you think I would look better in something like this?” She turned the page, showing him a dress that seemed more like a something a stripper would wear rather than an actual wedding dress.

 “Jesus Christ. Why would you show me that? I’m going to be scarred for life.” Bellamy said, turning around and shutting his eyes.

He was trying to keep those awful images out of his head when he heard her tearing the page. Bellamy knew she was tearing the picture of the other dress, the one she loved, but he pretended like he didn’t hear anything. Sometimes secrets were for the best, especially when it came to someone’s hopes.

Octavia went back to scouring her magazines and Bellamy returned to his bills. It was nice and quiet, until Octavia suddenly freaked out. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“What?” Bellamy asked, confused to what she was talking about.

“Seriously something is happening with you and I want to know what.”

Bellamy schooled his face, there was no way Octavia knew about Clarke. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He lied, hoping she would drop it, but he should’ve known better.

She snapped her fingers at him, much to his annoyance. “No,” she hissed, glaring harshly at him.

“No, you’re not going to blow this off like everyone else. Something is up, you have been weird since like July, okay. And it’s not just in my head, you are acting so different. Seriously Bell we, WE, just had a nice normal conversation about wedding dresses and money.”

Octavia gestured wildly at all his papers, while he just stared blankly at her. “While you’re doing inventory and paying bills, two things that you loathe doing. And I’m getting married and you’re perfectly happy with it. And we’re talking about weddings dresses, which you have said multiple times are completely overrated. And my god Bellamy, you hate spending money.”

“I don’t hate-” He tried to interrupt her.

“You HATE spending money, especially on stuff you’ve deemed frivolous and stupid. Like weddings and wedding dresses, and you’re being so nice and calm about it all. It’s just weird, okay. You’re being super supportive and nice and helpful and I feel like I am going crazy. You realize that you are actively participating and helping me out with my wedding, right? I mean seriously what the hell?” Octavia stared at him, breathless and flushed.

Bellamy stared, unsure how to react. Did she honestly not want his help? He was trying, he really was. He knew he was being stingy and complaining far too much, but he was trying. “You don’t want me to help out?” He asked.

Octavia looked startled. “No, I do. It’s just that…” She trailed off, taking a deep breath. “I do want you to be part of the wedding. I’m sorry, it’s not your fault.”

She reached across the counter to grab his hands. “I’m sorry that I snapped at you. It’s just been stressful with the wedding and everything, more than I thought it would be. And Lincoln’s been working more hours at the tattoo parlor and when he’s not there he’s working on his sculptures and I feel like I haven’t seen him in forever. I’ve also started to teach some more classes and it’s just a lot.”

“It’s okay, O.” Bellamy said quickly, hating the look on her face. “Really, I’m sorry things have been so stressful.” He squeezed her hands.

“I’m sorry if I have been acting strange, but nothing is going on.” Bellamy felt a stab of guilt at his lie. He was lying to Octavia, his sister, his only family. She was his closest friend and he was causing her extra stress with keeping his relationship with Clarke a secret from her.

He didn’t want to lie to her, but when he opened his mouth to tell her the truth. “Let me just finish up here and I’ll take you home.”

He couldn’t do it. He wanted to tell her, but he didn’t want her to know the truth about him and Clarke. It wasn’t just his secret to tell, it was Clarke’s too. At least that’s how Bellamy justified it to himself. 

He drove Octavia back to her apartment in an odd silence, Bellamy couldn’t find it in himself to try and talk to O, there was far too much going on in his head. He pulled in front of her apartment building, and before she got out, she paused.

“If something was wrong, you would tell me, right?” She asked quietly, looking down at her lap.

 “Nothing is wrong, I promise.”

That loving smile she gave him as she walked off almost made him tell her the truth, almost. Octavia left, happy and oblivious. Bellamy looked down and noticed the page from the magazine on the floor. He folded the page and pocketed it.

The next day when she asked him if he’d seen the page, he lied without an ounce of guilt. He was going to get her the dress, if it was the last thing he did.

**~*~**

Bellamy rolled his eyes, heading back to the kitchen as the others watched football. He never really got football, sure it was fun to play at times, but honestly he couldn’t find it in himself to care all that much.

Thanksgiving in general was never a big deal when he was growing up. Octavia and he never really got into the holiday, when it was just the two of them, nor did they realize how important it was to others.

Thanksgiving for them was really the same as any other Thursday. However once other people became fully integrated in their lives, that all changed. O fully embraced the holiday, well she embraced being able to host a huge feast for her friends.

Bellamy would complain, but he learned to take the small victories when it came to his sister. He wasn’t hosting Thanksgiving at his place, so he honestly didn’t care.

He was setting the turkey onto the table, when Octavia asked him to open a bottle of wine, as she finished setting the table.

He reached for a bottle and was about to open it, when Octavia stopped him.

“Not that one.” She nearly screamed at him, looking at him like he was going to drop a bomb.

Bellamy froze holding the corkscrew. “Why?”

“That’s the wine Clarke got for us.”

“And we don’t like Clarke’s wine, because?”

“Because that’s the wine she got in August at that super fancy vineyard she went to.” Octavia stated, as though it was obvious.

“And?” He asked, still not understanding the problem.

“And those bottles ain’t cheap, Bell. They cost like a hundred bucks or more.”

He nearly dropped the bottle. “What?!”

“Yeah. So Lincoln and I are saving it for a more special occasion, like our wedding or if royalty comes over.” O said, carefully pulling the bottle out of his hands. “Don’t tell me you already drank the wine she got for you.”

“I didn’t know it was a hundred bucks.”

“Or more,” she stated cheerily, oblivious to his problem.

“Jesus.”

“Don’t freak out. I know you hate getting expensive shit from others, but it was just a nice gesture from Clarke. It probably even wasn’t that big of a deal for her.”

That was the problem, though. To Clarke, spending $200 on a simply hosting gift for her friends was nothing.

Octavia continued. “I mean look at the Thanksgiving she’s having.”

She handed him her phone, showing him what he assumed was Clarke’s Instagram. A picture of a huge table that look like it could easily fit 30 or more, was perfectly decorated with a meal that greatly surpassed his and O’s. It was impossibly perfect looking.

“I wonder what it’s like to live on the other side.” O commented absentmindedly, opening a different bottle of wine.

“Yeah. I wonder.”  He said softly, going through Clarke’s Instagram.

“Dinner,” Octavia shouted into the living room.                                                                              

Lincoln kiss her on the cheek. “Looks great O.”

“Terrific.” Monty said, as he and Miller sat down.

“Delicious,” Raven said as Wick helped her to the table, as her leg was acting up again.

“I did most of the cooking,” Bellamy said, offended.

“We’re complimenting the appearance, not the taste. If it tastes good will let you know.” Raven took out her phone and shrugged at their questioning looks. “Clarke’s not the only one with a fancy dinner to show off.”

Octavia beamed at her, and told her to take the picture from a different angle so it would look even better. Bellamy rolled his eyes, as he began to carve up the turkey, ignoring O as she complained about him ruining the picture.

He was glad he didn’t invite Clarke to Thanksgiving, she would’ve said no anyway as she was going to her own family’s dinner. But still he was glad. He had no chance in hell to compete with that kind of life, the life she was from and expected.

Bellamy sat down with his friends, at their overly cramped table that was definitely not made for seven people, and a huge dog squeezed underneath. This was where he belonged.

**~*~**

Bellamy was finishing lighting up the last of the candles, when he heard Clarke coming in from the back.

“Bell?” She called out, her voice getting louder. “What’s going-” She paused, staring at what he did to his restaurant.

While he only had to close the restaurant for a few hours to complete his final expenses and inventory lists; Bellamy decided to close TonDC for the whole day, instead. Spending the rest of his time, trying to get the place to look as romantic as possible for Clarke.

It wasn’t the best thing he could do for her birthday, seeing how it was more out of convenience and necessity for him to close the restaurant, but it was the thought that counts, _right?_

“Surprise! It’s your belated birthday gift.” Bellamy said, feeling inexplicably nervous in front of her. It wasn’t much, but he honestly had tried.

“My birthday?”

“I know it’s not the weekend getaway we talked about, but since-well I thought this might be nice for your birthday.” Bellamy rubbed the back of his neck, she hadn’t said anything yet. “I know it’s not that great, but I-”

“You did all of this for me?” She asked, staring at him with an expression he couldn’t quite read.

“Well yeah.”

He watched as Clarke composed herself, that polite smile on her face. “Thank you, Bellamy. This is amazing.”

He felt disappointment crash down on him, he knew that smile and he hated the meaning of it. “If you don’t like it Clarke. I won’t be offended.”

She stared at him in disbelief. “But I do like it. I love it. No one has ever done anything like this for me before.”

Bellamy almost believed her. He really did, but he knew how excellent Clarke could be at lying. How effortless and flawlessly she could lie straight to someone’s face, he’d seen it firsthand. He didn’t confront her though, Clarke wasn’t going to tell him what she really thought.

He nodded at the center table. “Sit. I’ll bring out dinner.”

This was a stupid idea. He thought it could’ve been romantic or nice, but he was an idiot. Some candles and a table cloth on a table, couldn’t turn TonDC into a nice restaurant. He should’ve done something else, anything.

Bellamy stayed in the kitchen longer than he needed to, preparing the plates. This was stupid.  He knew he should give up on this relationship, give up on trying to extend their expiration date, but he was already in too deep. He was an idiot to even try for a girl like Clarke.

Bellamy sat their dinner at the table, and Clarke smiled up at him, but it looked as uncomfortable as he felt. For the most of the dinner they ate in a tense filled silence, both of them aware something was hanging above them. Clarke tried to start conversations with Bellamy, and while he felt like an ass, he couldn’t find it in himself to pretend any longer.

The clock of their relationship was ticking down to the end, and at this point he knew trying to salvage what they had was akin to saving a sinking boat with a bottomless bucket.

When Clarke kissed him goodnight, he felt bad. The sad look on her face, despite the smile, reminded him that this birthday dinner attempt was pathetic. Clarke deserved better.

**~*~**

Two weeks had passed since that fiasco of a dinner and things were still awkward between the two of them. Clarke seemed oblivious to the growing tension, she was bright and cheerful, acting like the caring girlfriend he had come to love, despite his better judgment.

She was sitting next to him in his bed, and something seemed to be on her mind. Every time she open her mouth he got nervous for the bad news to come out. She bit the inside of her cheek and continued to stew in her own thoughts. Bellamy was losing his mind.

“Clarke, what is it?” He asked, frustrated with her.

“What?” She asked, releasing her cheek.

“You clearly have something on your mind, so get on with it.”

“Um…right, okay.” She nodded and pulled a piece of paper from her sketchbook and gave it to him. It was a printed advertisement for The Colony Mountain Cabins.

“For the past few years, I’ve rented a cabin up there at this time of the year for about two weeks. I got my reservation confirmation a few days ago and I’ll be heading out there on the twentieth.”

“You don’t spend Christmas with your family?” Bellamy asked, surprised. Clarke spent every holiday with her family and close family friends, from the Fourth of July to Thanksgiving. He knew Octavia was bit miffed that Clarke never got experience one of her famous holiday parties.

“No,” a dark look appearing on her face, before she quickly smiled at him. “I know that Christmas is an important time for you and Octavia, but I was hoping maybe afterwards you could come up and join me.”

Bellamy wasn’t sure how to respond. He sort of knew of the Colony Mountains, mostly that it was a rich people’s retreat.

“What?” Clarke said, her smile fading.

“I’m not sure.”

“Oh. That’s okay,” she mumbled, fiddling with the covers. “It was just a thought.”

“I just mean I’m not sure if would be able to pay you back.”

Clarke frowned and looked confused. “You wouldn’t have to pay me back, Bellamy.”

He tried not to get annoyed, because of course she would say that. “I feel bad if I didn’t.”

“Why? I was already going, you would just be tagging along. Think of it as the weekend getaway we didn’t get to go on, but extended and in the freezing cold mountains.”

Bellamy scoffed. “Of fucking course.”

“I’m sorry?” Her tone took a sharper tone.

“I know my plans for us fell through and I’m sorry, but you don’t have to try and one up me and show off your money.”

“That’s not what I’m doing.” Clarke said, clearly offended. “Is that what you think of me?”

“Sometimes.” Bellamy paused, “you just give away your money, Clarke.  Like it’s nothing. Do you know what that feels like?”

“No.”

“It feels like shit. Like nothing I do will ever be good enough.”

“Bellamy.”

“It’s fine.” He snapped, harshly.

“I’m not trying to flaunt my money or show off.”

“That doesn’t mean you’re not.”

“It kind of does, actually.” She groaned, looking at him with a forlorn expression. “Look I’m sorry that you feel insecure about the money you make-“

“Is that what you think this is about?” He snapped angrily.

“What is it about then?”

Bellamy got out of bed and Clarke followed suit, returning his glare with full force.

“Your gifts as well an intentioned they are, Clarke, they’re more insulting than anything.”

She stared at him gaping.

“The wine you got, it’s a nice gesture but it sucks that we can’t reciprocate that kind of gift.”

“What wine?” She asked, clearly confused.

Bellamy barked out a laugh, because of course the fucking princess would forget about the $200 wine she bought, because it really was nothing to her. “Seriously? You don’t remember the wine you got for me and O?”

“In August?”

“When else have you gotten us wine? How am I even surprised by this? Of course you would fucking forget.”

“I’m sorry if buying wine isn’t a pivotal moment in my life.”

“Spending $200 for a stupid hosting gift is not something normal people just forget.”

She looked taken aback by him saying the price. “Are you surprised that I know the price? Or was it even more? How much did you actually spend, Clarke?”

“Why does that matter?” Clarke folded her arms and glared at him, her cheeks puffing out _._

“How much, Clarke?”

“Why does it matter?”

“So I know how much I FUCKING OWE YOU.” He yelled.

“You don’t owe me anything. It was A GIFT.” She screamed, suddenly interrupted when Max came barging into the bedroom, growling and barking at the two of them.

“Max outside,” Bellamy snapped, point to the door. “Now.”

Max stayed, a low growl still coming from him as he observed them. “Now.” Bellamy raised his voice, and snapped his fingers toward the door, sending a now sulky Max away.

He looked at Clarke, in his sweatpants and a ratty t-shirt. She looked smaller, engulfed by his clothes.

“What’s so wrong with me spending money on the people I lo-like?” She asked, her voice soft and all traces of anger gone.

“Because it makes people feel guilty.” Bellamy said with a sigh. “Because we can’t get you something equal to it, were always in debt to you.”

“That insane, you’re not in debt to me. They're presents, that’s all.”

 “That’s not the point, Clarke.” He was frustrated that she wasn’t getting this.

“Then what is your point?” She hissed.

“It’s like your pitying me, poor Bellamy he can’t afford this or this.”

“Are you fucking serious, right now?” Clarke asked, almost laughing. “That’s bullshit and you know that.”

“Then why won’t you let me pay for half of this trip?”

Clarke paused, he could see her hesitating before she spoke, choosing her words carefully. “Because I was already going to go to the cabins. It’s like if I was going to the grocery store and you tagged along, and then I demanded you pay for half of my groceries.”

He stared at her in disbelief. “Renting an expensive cabin for two weeks and going grocery shopping are not even close to being the same.”

She groaned, looking like she wanted to murder him. “I’m aware of that. My god you’re the most frustrating person I have ever fucking met.”

“You’re not exactly a peach yourself, princess.”

“Let me ask you something. For the weekend trip you were planning, I would’ve paid for half of the trip, right?” She asked, too calm for his liking.

Bellamy frowned, he knew what she was trying to do. “That’s different.”

“How?”

“Because it just fucking is.”

“Oh well that explains it. Thank you so much for enlightening me on that.”

“Clarke-“

“No please tell me how you paying for a weekend getaway for my birthday is any different than me paying for this trip.”

“Because that was a gift.”

“Fine then consider this my Christmas gift to you.”

Bellamy raised an eyebrow at her, almost amused. “So this is the only gift I will be getting from you?”

“Well no.” Clarke chewed her lower lip.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about Clarke.”

“Wait, hold on. You got me a paint brush set for my birthday, before the supposed weekend trip, so this is like that.”

“That was-“                                                                                                                                     

Clarke interrupted him before he could finish. “I swear if you say that was fucking different, I am literally going to kill you.”

Bellamy made a noise somewhere between a groan and a sigh, he dragged his hand down his face trying to calm himself. Clarke had to be the most exhausting person to fight. “We’re getting nowhere with this.”

“I disagree.” Clarke stubbornly said, crossing her arms for effect.

“Really?” Bellamy snorted. “Now you’re just arguing for the sake of arguing.”

“I disagree.”

“You can’t keep saying you disagree.”

“Fine, I think we’re getting somewhere here. You’re allowed to spend money on me, but I’m not allowed to spend money on you.”

He grimaced. He knew what she said wasn’t exactly untrue, but he couldn’t admit. “That’s not true.”

“Oh come on. I rarely if ever pay when we go out, and when I do you make a big deal out of it. Is it because your uncomfortable with a woman paying?”

“Of course not.”

“No, of course not. It’s because I make more money than you do and come from a wealthy family.”

A cold dread was in his stomach, as soon as Clarke stated his fear out loud. “You do think you’re better than me.”

“I didn’t say that.” Clarke unfolded her arms. She almost looked heartbroken, but Bellamy couldn’t stop, not even if he wanted to.

“You might’ve well have. Come on Clarke, you’re a princess from Phoenix Hills. Daughter of an award winning surgeon and brilliant engineer, stepdaughter of a senator and a close family friend to the governor and his son. You don’t end up down here with a shitty restaurant owner, I don’t fit in the picture.”

“What fucking picture? There’s no picture.”  She took a step toward him, reaching her hand, before deciding against it.

He hated the expression of her face, filled with pity and sadness. Even worse her tone was calm and soft, as though she was walking on eggshells, avoiding a belligerent animal. He hated when she got like this, cool and understanding to a fault, he wanted a fight and Clarke wasn’t giving him one.

“Bellamy, I’m with you because I want to be with you. Not because you do or don’t fit some kind of ideal version of my life. Why is that so hard for you to understand?”

Bellamy took a step back and could feel his body tensing, she wasn’t helping. “I’m just being realistic.”

“I can’t keep having this argument with you, Bellamy. I can’t.”  She shook her head at him, before she started putting her things in her overnight bag. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do or say, he didn’t like this calm. He just wanted to fight and to come to some kind of end, some conclusion to their relationship.

“You know, I invited you because I wanted to spend time with you. It was supposed to be a nice thing for the two of us.”

 “Why? It’s not like we're a real fucking couple. This is just sex.” He spat out.

As soon as Bellamy said that, he wanted to take it back. Hurt flashed crossed Clarke’s face for a second and she withdrew herself back, the anger and sadness was all gone. There was nothing on her face, all traces of emotion gone.

“Right.” Her voice was slightly trembling.

“Clarke, I didn’t…” He trailed off, unsure of himself.

“It’s fine. I’m sorry I misread this.” She nodded, almost like she was confirming it to herself.

As she walked out, Bellamy reached for her, she violently jerked her arm way. “Don’t,” she snapped. “Just don’t. This relationship may not be real, but I can assure you the break up is. ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peers from under a rock. I am so sorry, real life got in the way and I've been having such a nasty bit of writer's block for everything, and school was just hectic. So I'm really sorry it's taken me so long to update.
> 
> I plan to have this finished before Season 3 comes out, but we'll see. I'm seeing one or two more chapters, so I think it's doable. Also I apologize for any mistakes, I'll probably do a read through later, but I just wanted to get this posted at this point.
> 
> The chapter title comes from Rudolfo Anaya. I hope you all have had a wonderful holiday and a fantastic New Years.


	4. Melancholy were the sounds on a winter's night.

“You okay?” Miller asked, as Bellamy handed him his beer.

“What?”

“You’ve been off for the past few days.” Miller stared intently at him, as though he could figure out what was going on with Bellamy with just a look. Then again Miller was a cop, so maybe he could.

“Just a few shitty days.”

“Uh huh.” Miller said, not believing him.

It wasn’t a lie. The past couple of days had been shitty. Since Clarke and he broke up, every day had been shitty. It sucked not being Clarke’s boyfriend, even though honestly not much had changed in his day to day life.

He could easily pretend that Clarke was just busy at the gallery, swamped with so much work she didn’t have time to text or call him. So busy she couldn’t spend her nights with him or hang out at TonDC after work.

He could pretend that once she finished with all her work, she would walk into TonDC and play darts with Raven or pool with Miller. Then she would join him at the bar, smiling as though she loved him and seeing him was the best part of her day.

 She certainly had been his.

He could pretend that she would go back home with him. Max would be happy to see them, barking and jumping, and demanding attention. They would retire to the bedroom for sex, ignoring Max as he whined at the door. Clarke would bite and suck his neck, he liked to think this was a possessive trait of hers, marking him as hers for all to see.

Or maybe they would be too exhausted for anything more than just collapsing into bed. Clarke curling into his side, trying to warm her unnaturally cold feet in-between his legs. Max jumping onto the bed, curling himself into a ball at the end of Clarke’s side or demanding her attention by resting his head on her thigh.

It was almost too easy to pretend that everything was okay.

Miller wasn’t the only one to question his sour mood, Raven jumped at the chance as soon as she saw an opening the next night.

“What’s gotten to you?”

“Nothing.” Bellamy said shortly, hoping she would get the message.

Raven did. She just didn’t care. “Bull. You’ve been weird all night. You freaked out on Mbege and you snapped at Harper for messing up an order.”

“It was the third time this week.” Bellamy turned around, handing some customers their drinks.

Raven continued as soon as he returned to her area. “You’ve basically micromanaged Murphy into insanity at this point, and I think he might honestly be planning to kill you.”

“Murphy has always been planning to kill me.”

She glared, and looked ready to slug him. “Not like this. You haven’t flirted with anyone, let alone been your usual charming ass of a self. You’ve completely ignored that girl whose been trying to get you to look at her cleavage all night.”

Bellamy turned to where Raven was looking, spotting Megan in a decently attractive low cut dress. She and her friends had become regulars at TonDC.

 Megan was pretty and all, but she wasn’t really his type. For one thing she dressed way too nice for his sinfully casual restaurant, she was either dressed for a night club or some kind of gala, the kind Clarke went too.

Her clothes weren’t the problem. Clarke always dressed too nice for TonDC, even when she wasn’t coming straight from work. She always looked stunning and put together, and Bellamy loved it. Then again it was Clarke, she could probably do anything and he would love it.

Bellamy quickly looked away from Megan, there was no point in flirting with her, not without Clarke there to get _jealous_.

When Clarke was there at the bar and they planned on leaving together, he would do some light bartender flirting. Sometimes she wouldn’t even wait until they got back home, she would just attack him once she got him alone. Leaving those possessive marks all over his neck, making sure the only thing Bellamy could say let alone think was her name.

There was no point of slightly flirting with Megan. Not without Clarke.

“You’ve barely complained about the crappy weather.”

“It’s snow and slush, it happens every year. Did O put you up to this?” Bellamy knew his sister had been on a warpath with trying to figure out what was wrong with him. Not too long ago, Lincoln practically forced him to assure Octavia that he wasn’t dying of a mysterious tumor, despite the apparent evidence she found on WebMD that stated otherwise.

“Octavia thinks you’ve gotten back to normal.” Raven said.

“See there. I’m perfectly fine and normal.”

Raven sighed. “Bellamy-”

“I’m fine, Raven.”

“I’m just trying to help.”

“Well don’t.” He snapped harshly.

“Fine.” She huffed, walking back to Wick.

Bellamy sighed, at this point he was going to drive anyone who actually cared about him away.

By the time he got home, Bellamy felt like he had picked a fight with everyone. He was frustrated and exhausted, and he just wanted to go sleep.

He crawled into bed, ready for sleep to overcome him, but it never came. He stared at the ceiling, trying to will himself to sleep, but to no avail. There was no Clarke slightly snoring next to him or clinging to him, trying to seep all of his warmth for herself.

He glanced at the clock next to his bed, it read 3:46am. He would have to be up by seven at the latest, he needed to go to sleep, but everything was wrong. The bed was too big, the room was too warm, and the house was too damn quiet.

This was ridiculous. It wasn’t like he spent every night with Clarke. It shouldn’t matter that this was the fifth night in the row he was sleeping by himself since they broke up. It shouldn’t matter.

It did. It mattered because he wasn’t sleeping alone just because their schedules didn’t match up for the night. She was gone because he’d been an insecure ass.

He missed her. He missed everything about her and their relationship, the good and the bad.

He did things with Clarke he never did for anyone else, just because it made her happy. He went to ridiculously overpriced restaurant with little to no complaining, just to see her smile. He let her spoil Max, to the point that he followed her around like a devoted puppy.

Bellamy took off work just to spend extra time with Clarke, confusing the hell out of his long-term employees, as he rarely if ever took off from work.  

He stayed in bed later than he usually would in the mornings now, just because he liked having her in arms and was reluctant to leave her side.

Bellamy groaned and tossed under the covers. It wasn’t like it was a real relationship, they were sneaking around having a good time. He certainly wasn’t in love with her or anything.

Sure he missed everything that made Clarke who she was, and he supposed love would be an accurate word of how he felt about all the million and one things that made her Clarke.

He loved how she was incapable of sitting still and doing nothing. He loved that she was like him, in the sense that she needed to be productive or at the very least busy. She understood the need to feel proactive, to not waste the day away.

Bellamy loved how Clarke was always drawing and doodling. He loved that she drew on pretty much anything she got her hands on: paper scraps, napkins, envelopes, receipts, book margins, bank statements, and even Bellamy himself if there was nothing else available.

One of his favorite things about Clarke was the way she ran her cool fingers through his hair, lightly scratchy and massaging his scalp, turning him into a pathetic purring kitten.

He loved how Clarke was either completely put together or a frazzle mess of paint and stress. He found it beyond endearing that when Clarke got into her art, she would stick countless pens, pencils, and paintbrushes into her messy bun.

It was adorable.  She put them in her hair so she could quickly retrieve them later, but somehow always managed to forget that she put them in her hair at all and would frantically search for her drawing utensils. Sometimes getting mad at Bellamy, unfairly blaming him for stealing them, though he had done it once or twice to get her attention. Sometime Clarke would forget that she’d just been using a paintbrush right before she stuck it into her hair, accidently painting bright colors into her hair.

Bellamy especially loved that after she cleaned herself off, she would always miss that one streak of paint on herself.

He loved the little sounds he could get out of her, especially when he was fucking her against a wall with his fingers in a less than private place, and he had to cover her mouth to keep them from being discovered.

Bellamy found that he greatly enjoyed watching her fashion shows, well, he greatly enjoyed watching her watch them. When they were watching one of the many, many wedding dress shows, she would get angry at the bride-to-be for picking the uglier dress or at the family for saying insulting things to the bride.

Watching Project Runway with Clarke was definitely the most entertaining thing to watch with her. When the look or designer she wanted to win didn’t win the round, she would get ridiculously mad. Her cheeks would puff out in anger, and she even pouted and just stewed in her anger, glaring at the TV. Sometimes she would yell at one of the judges; “what the fuck were you expecting Nina, you asked them to make a dress out of tires in a day,” or “I like to see you to do better Michael.”

It made Bellamy feel better when he got angry at all the incorrect historical depictions in TV and movies.

In general though Bellamy loved spending time with Clarke. Just talking. Just being with her. He was happy to hear her thoughts on anything, particularly the exhibits they went too. Bellamy never really had anyone he could actually discuss history or art with, and it was something he was going to miss having once Clarke moved on.

Bellamy sighed. He was just fucking torturing himself now.

It was over and there was nothing he could do. Nothing. He tried to focus on all the negative things about Clarke. The princess could be beyond annoying or frustrating to deal with at times, and he tried to remind himself of those qualities. 

It was all those little annoyances that had drove him crazy. She had been a pain in the ass to wake up and get out of bed. Clarke took longer showers than Octavia did, which was a feat in itself, and she regularly used up all of the hot water much to his annoyance.

She was the most indecisive person when it came to picking something to watch. It physically pained him to watch her scroll through Netflix for what felt like hours, going back and forth between her options.

She would slap his hand away when he tried to take the remote from her. “It’s my turn to pick, Bellamy.” She would say indignantly.

“Then fucking pick something.” He would retort grumpily, earning himself an unnaturally sharp elbow in the stomach. Then Clarke would purposely spend an even longer amount of time scrolling through Netflix, even though she denied doing such a thing.

Bellamy tried to remind himself of how annoying it actually had been to go to all those expensive restaurants. Clarke had expensive tastes, to say the very least, especially when it came to going out, and she never seemed to notice his discomfort. Bellamy hated spending money on overpriced wine and tiny meals that were more about the presentation than the actual food. He hated it even more when Clarke would insist on paying.

He knew it was misogynistic and stupid, but he couldn’t stand it when she paid for them. He knew he should be pleased that he didn’t have to pay or simply appreciative that Clarke insisted on paying, but he wasn’t. Clarke was unknowingly jabbing at his insecurities the whole time.

She was somehow more prideful and stubborn than he was. She rarely asked for help, unless she was desperate and literally had no other choice. He learned quickly, much to his dismay that Clarke would rather drive herself crazy and try to do something all by herself than ask for help.

The worst thing about Clarke was that she was the most closed off person he knew. Clarke was not the best at expressing her emotions, and if she felt like she was being too emotional in anyway, she would put up her walls.

Really, it was a good thing that things didn’t work out.

Bellamy frowned at the ceiling, he was being unfair to Clarke.

It wasn’t like she demanded they go out to expensive places, in general she just loved trying out different restaurants and types of food. She completely trusted his opinion about hidden gems in the city, not even blinking an eye when he brought her to the hole in the wall grill that served the best damn burgers in the world.

She would jump at the chance to try food she never had before, gleefully holding his hand when they went to authentic Filipino or Ethiopian restaurants, willing to try anything and taking his suggestions to heart.

It had been nice having someone to go out with. It’d just been nice being in a relationship with someone, no with Clarke.

Bellamy stared at the empty side of the bed, trying to ignore the gnawing feeling his chest. As his eyes adjusted to the dark, he noticed that Max was watching him.

Bellamy patted the bed. “Come on boy. Max on the bed. Come on boy.”

Max lifted his head and Bellamy could hear his tail thumping against the dog bed, but Max made no effort to leave his cage. He just stared at Bellamy with open curiosity.

After years of training Max to stay off the furniture, he couldn’t really blame Max for not just suddenly doing the opposite, even though he did for Clarke.

“Come on, boy. Come on. On the bed.” Max stayed in his cage.

Bellamy eventually gave up, when it became clear that Max wasn’t going to join him. “Yeah, I guess it’s not the same without her.”

**~*~**

The next day Bellamy opened his front door tired and exhausted from his long day at work. It didn’t help that he was picking fights left and right with practically everyone he encountered.

Max greeted him with his usual insane amount of enthusiasm, barking and jumping like a mad dog.

Bellamy happily greeted him, at least he still had Max.

Max ran off to grab his favorite stuffed toy for him to throw. Bellamy frowned, as he held the beyond chewed up toy. He could’ve sworn that he had left it at Clarke’s apartment. For a second, he thought that maybe just maybe she was there, willing to talk and work things out.

She wasn’t.

He headed to the kitchen to get himself a well-deserved beer when he spotted the box on the counter, on top of Max’s second dog bed. This time Bellamy actually looked around the room for Clarke, because he knew for a fact that Max’s dog bed was in her apartment.

There was no Clarke, just a note and her key to his house on top of the box.

Bellamy

Sorry for breaking into your house to leave your stuff, but it was snowing when I got here and I didn’t want everything to get wet.

I hope you have a nice Christmas.

Happy Holidays

C.

He crumpled up the note in his fist, only to quickly flatten it to read it again.

Bellamy opened the box on the counter and stared at the contents, swallowing a painful lump. It wasn’t a surprise. Clarke had told him that she didn’t keep anything from her past relationships. So why would he be any different?

Most of the box was filled with meaningless stuff he had left at her apartment: a couple of shirts, some deodorant, a razor, a few books he lent to her, one of Max’s leashes and a few of his toys.

There was other junk, but it didn’t matter. None of this crap mattered.

He saw his favorite worn out baggy t-shirt that always swallowed her whole when she wore it. He slowly unwrapped what was inside it.

Bellamy stared at the mug. The one he broke and had to buy from their first real date at the museum. The handle was completely broken off, but Clarke still used it despite her swearing up and down it wasn’t a real gift and was completely useless. She eventually found a use for it though, holding a small fraction of her numerous brushes, pencils and pens.

He set the mug to the side and pulled out the rolled up poster, unrolling it, he stared at the copy of the Starry Night Painting. Bellamy felt like someone had just punched him in the gut and he quickly moved onto the next thing in the box.

His throat tightened as he pulled out her hardcopy of his manuscript, it was wrinkled and worn out by the amount of times she had read it. He paged through it. She had highlighted the parts she liked best and on the margins were her lengthy critiques and suggestions.

She had drawn on most of the pages, if not all of them. Clarke had even inserted some of her sketches in-between the pages.

The Athena chapter had countless drawings of owls and helmets, some were the just scribbly doodles in the margins and others were stunning and most have taken her quite some time to do.

There was two faded charcoal sketches of Icarus, one where he was flying towards the sun and another where he was falling from the sky. They were stunning and he knew Octavia would love these drawings in second.

Bellamy’s favorite though was the drawing of Medusa’s head, it was absolutely gorgeous and intricate. The whole entire drawing was made up of individual snakes, every single line and curve. He had never seen anything like it.

The air left the room and Bellamy found it difficult to breath. He brushed his eyes, trying to prevent any tears. Anger and frustration filled his every limb and before he knew it he punched the wall. He grasped his throbbing hand and slump against the counter, breathing hard and not feeling the least bit better.

He missed Clarke. He fucked up the best relationship he had and she was gone.

Max whined and rubbed up against his leg, trying to comfort him. Bellamy petted him and turn to stare at the box, he supposed he should start packing up Clarke’s things to give back to her. But his heart constricted at the thought. He didn’t want to give back any of her stuff. He didn’t want things to end between them, but it was too late.

She was gone and already moving on.

**~*~**

Bellamy glared at his front door, a part of him wished that Clarke would just come through it and the other part hated the thought of Clarke mingling with their friends happy and tipsy, but still hating him. At least he would get to see her though, maybe even apologize.

Octavia’s Christmas party seemed bigger, louder, and somehow even more festive than all of her previous ones. He was glad his sister was having fun, but honestly he hated it all. He wished everyone would just leave.

Max let out a low growl as though agreeing with Bellamy’s thought. He was unhappy with all these people in the house, but was far too tired to properly growl and bark, and chase everyone out.

Bellamy tried to be somewhat festive tonight, he even agreed to put on the stupid Santa hat, but it was all exhausting. All he wanted to do was get drunk and mope, and wallow in the mess that was his life.

It had been a week since Clarke broke up with him. Bellamy glanced down at his watch, in fact in another hour it would exactly be one week since Clarke stormed out.

God, he was pathetic and miserable. On the upside the party would be over in a few hours and he could mope in some peace and quiet. Maybe even gather some real genuine Christmas spirit or enough energy to fake it for Christmas day. Octavia would probably kill him if he acted like this on Christmas.

Bellamy looked up in time to see his sister approaching him with some special Christmas eggnog, and he tried his best not to grimace, but he just wanted to be left alone.

She sat on the arm of the chair and tried to hand him the eggnog, but he declined. Octavia frowned and he felt sick, he wasn’t trying to be jerk, but he really wasn’t in the mood.

She poked and prodded him. “So Mr. Scrooge, what’s eating at you?”

“Nothing.” He knew she didn’t exactly believe him, but it wasn’t like he could actually tell her the truth.

He sighed. “It’s just been a really crappy week.”

“What happened?” She asked.

“Nothing in particular. It’s just been one of those weeks, you know?”

Octavia nodded. Bellamy expected more of an interrogation from her, but she just gently squeezed his arm before jumping up from the recliner. “Oh, I have something to cheer you up.”

He blinked in confusion as she ran to the Christmas tree to grab a present for him.

“Oomph,” Bellamy exclaimed as she threw the heavy gift onto his lap.

“What’s this?” He asked, carefully examining it. It was neatly wrapped, so there was no way it came from Octavia herself.

“Clarke’s present. You missed when we opened all of our presents from our fallen friends.” She said, overly dramatically as though their friends had died.

“O, they’re not here for Christmas, not dead.” He prayed that he sounded normal, and that she couldn’t tell his voice was shaking slightly. He tried to hide what hearing Clarke’s name actually did to him.

“Open it. Open it. Open it.” She urged him excitedly.  

Bellamy ripped through the wrapping and there was Clarke’s drawing of Medusa on a hardcover. He knew it was her drawing, the one that he found in his manuscript. He had stared at for an unnatural amount of time for the past two days, and there it was right in front of him. It looked stunning.  

Bellamy couldn’t breathe. It was his book, there in hard print was his book.

 _Greek Mythologies: The Legends That Live Today_  

Bellamy Blake

It was actually his book, the one he had all but given up trying to get published until Clarke pushed him to move his ass. Clarke had gotten his book published.

He flipped through it. He was amazed to see his writing, but his heart constricted at the sight of Clarke’s drawings. He paused at her two Icarus drawings side by side. She had done all of this for him and he had repaid her with yelling and being an ungrateful jerk.

“Screw Jesus and Santa Roomba, we should be paying homage to Clarke.” Octavia said.

Bellamy just nodded, closing the book. He needed a fucking drink. He drank the eggnog in one gulp and before he knew it he was dancing closely to Roma.

“Mistletoe.” Someone shouted, and Roma grinned up at him and it was easy. It was easy to kiss Roma and lead her upstairs to his bedroom. It was familiar. Pulling her blouse off and kissing her harshly didn’t require any thought, it was just easy.

Roma was kissing down his neck and unzipping his jeans, when he opened his eyes and saw the box on his bedside table. He froze feeling sick.

“What’s wrong?”

Bellamy looked down at Roma and she was absolutely gorgeous, red lips and mussed up hair, and flushed skin. She was beautiful, but she wasn’t Clarke. He wanted Clarke, he only wanted Clarke. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t sleep with another woman while he was in love--

Fuck. He was in love with Clarke. He was so fucking in-love with her and he fucked it up.

“Nothing.” Bellamy eventually replied, his voice hoarse and scratchy.

She leaned up to kiss him, but he stepped back. “I can’t… I can’t do this. Sorry.”

 “Why?” Roma asked.

“I just can’t. I can’t explain.”

She nodded and shrugged. When reaching down for her blouse, Roma paused and looked up at him with a knowing smile on her face. “I’m assuming this has to do with you being in love with Clarke.”

 “What? No-of course I’m not…How did you…What?” Bellamy couldn’t find the words, and he stood there like an idiot, gaping at Roma who just raised an eyebrow at him.

It took him longer, than he liked to admit to collect his thoughts. “You knew about me and Clarke?”

Roma snorted. “Well yeah.”

Bellamy sat at the edge of his bed and put his head in his hands, just the idea of everyone knowing and playing along was awful. He was surprised half of his friends hadn’t confronted him yet.

“Were we that obvious?”

Roma paused, as though she was considering it. “I guess not. I mean I thought it was beyond fucking obvious, but no one else seems to have picked up on the fact that you and Clarke, are dating or were.”

“So no one else knows.”            

“Not to my knowledge. I have to say, all of our friends our pretty oblivious, like stupidly so.”

Bellamy let out a small chuckle, feeling some sort of relief. He looked up at Roma in confusion. “You haven’t told anyone?”

“Well at first I couldn’t wait to gossip about the two of you, but then no one else caught on. And at some point I just wanted to see how long it would take everyone else to figure it out.”

“Of course. Thanks, I guess, for not telling anyone about us.”

She shrugged. “No problem.”

Roma looked down at him, with a pitying look before sitting down next to him. “Can I ask what happened?”

“What do you mean?” He asked, knowing exactly what she was talking about.

“Well you were about to hook up with me and Clarke isn’t at the party and I haven’t seen her at TonDC. So, what happened?”

“We broke up.”

Roma rolled her eyes. “I figured that much. But why? I mean I don’t know the full story with you two, but you’ve seen so much happier since whatever it was started.”

Bellamy sighed. “Things became more serious for me than they did for her. I mean Clarke is from Phoenix Hills, she was just slumming it down here with me, even if she didn’t realize it. That’s what she was going.”

He took a breath, trying to collect himself. “We also fought all the time, about stupid things and we were just different. It was never going to work out.”

“Uh huh.” She said in disbelief. “What was the big final fight about?”

“Clarke rents out a cabin in Colony Mountains for Christmas time and she invited me to join her after Christmas to spend the rest of the holiday with her. And she was…I thought or it felt like she was pitying me or just showing off that she had money. I don’t know.  We got into a big fight about how she wouldn’t let me pay for half of the trip and how I wouldn’t let her pay. It was never going to work out. I was an idiot for thinking I would be good enough.”

Roma hit him.

“Ow!” Bellamy exclaimed, rubbing his arm.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” She asked. “Are you fucking kidding me? What is…”

 Roma was at a loss. “Un-fucking-believable. You’re just…I can’t believe.” Instead of finishing her sentence, she just slapped his arm three more times.

“Stop hitting me.” Bellamy exclaimed, rubbing the now tender spot.

“Let me get this straight. You’re fucking gorgeous girlfriend, who by the way you’re in love with, invited you to spend the holiday with her in a nice and I’m assuming beautiful winter wonderland-like cabin and you picked a fight with her.”

“I didn’t pick a fight with her.” Bellamy said, trying to defend himself.

“Bull-fucking-shit. From what I know about Clarke, she doesn’t spend Christmas time with other people, which is weird, but not the point. The point being she wanted to be with you. She invited you to spend time with her after Christmas, because she probably knows how important Christmas day is for you and Octavia, and you’d pick a fight with her about fucking money. Are you fucking kidding me?”

Roma sighed and suddenly seemed exhausted. “Why do you do this to yourself?”

“I don’t-“

She interrupted him again. “Yes you do. You always do this, Bell. You decide that you can’t have something or that you’re not good enough, or whatever and then you sabotage your chances of getting whatever it is. It’s like you have this weird aversion to being happy.”

Bellamy stared at her, not sure what to say.

“I get it, Bell. I do. Your life hasn't been rainbows and puppies, but you can’t keep thinking that the only way you can possibly live your life is if you’re partially miserable. You can’t. You deserve to be happy, and from what I can tell being with Clarke made you happy.”

“We always ending up fighting, especially in the end.”

“Of course you fucking did. You want to know why the two of you have been picking fights about really stupid things, like I don’t know your girlfriend inviting you to her winter cabin getaway.” Bellamy stared blankly at her. “It’s is because your feelings have changed since August.”

“May.”

“What?”

“We started hooking up in May.”

“Really? Wow, that’s actually impressive, but not the point.”

Roma paused for a moment, to gather her thoughts. “You’re feelings have grown since Aug…I mean May, but your relationship is still in the same place where it was when you started. You two are way past the beginnings of any relationship or just hooking up and sneaking around stages, but yet your relationship is still there. So, you’re getting frustrated with the relationship and with one another. It’s simple Bell, when a relationship doesn’t evolve with the people involved, it has no chance of success.”

Bellamy was in awe. He never thought about it like that before, but Roma was right. Disappointment soon crashed into him though, it was too late to change their relationship. Or was it?

“How do I fix this?” He asked. Roma had been surprisingly insightful so far, he might as well ask her.

“I have no idea.”

He rolled his eyes. “Thanks.”

“Look if it were me, I’d probably punch you in the balls for putting me through all of this crap. Actually, I still might do that.”

“Again, thanks.”

She gave him another pitying look. “If you want to get back together with Clarke or whatever, than call her and apologize. It’s not rocket science.”

“Thanks.” Bellamy paused. “I mean that sincerely. Thank you. I needed this and you’re kind of great at this whole talking shit.

Roma grinned. “I am wise beyond my years and looks. I should write a self-help book for all the losers out there.”

Bellamy snorted, but still gave her a one-armed hug. Roma pecked him on the cheek in return.

“Now if you excuse me, I am going to find someone to pound me into the New Year, since you’re out of commission.” 

She got up with a skip and before she closed the door, she turned back to him. “Even if things don’t work out the way you want, you still deserve to be happy.”

**~*~**

Bellamy was surprised that by 9am he was wide awake. His head was only slightly fuzzy from last night, and while his mouth was dry as fuck, he was ready.

 He called Clarke and he perked up the instant he heard her slight gravelly voice. “Hello.”

Bellamy responded immediately. “Hey, Clarke…um it’s…”

“This is Clarke Griffin, I’m sorry I can’t take your call right now. If you’re calling in relation to Mt. Weather Gallery, please know we will be open again January 5th. I’m sorry for the inconvenience. Happy Holidays.”

He knew he was being overdramatic, but it felt like a part of his soul was dying when the beep signaled him to talk.

“Hey, Clarke. It’s me…um Bellamy, but you probably already knew that. Obviously. Well perhaps not obviously, but you have my number, so when you get this message it will say a voicemail from Bellamy. Also you’re probably screening this call, which is fair. I was an ass. I wanted to call and thank you for my book.”

Bellamy paused. “I don’t know what to say right now. It’s amazing, the book I mean and so are you. I’m sorry for the things I said. I understand if you hate me now and never want to speak to me again, but I am sorry. And I’m hoping you will want to talk to me…at the very least I want us to be friends. Or at the very least I want you to want us to be friends. I honestly just don’t want you to hate me anymore. When you get this message, please call me back. I mean if you don’t want to, you obviously don’t have to. Please, don’t feel obligated to call me back, not that you would. Shit. I’m sorry I suck at this.”

Bellamy groaned, he shouldn’t be allowed to leave a voicemail for anyone ever. “So, I’m sorry for what happened between us, and if you want and only if you want please feel free to call me back once you get this message. Or we can talk once you get back, if you want. Um…Bye. Oh, wait, I hope you’re having a great Christmas slash holiday vacation. I bet the mountains look beautiful and I’m sorry I’m not going to see them, but you get to, so that’s great for you. I’m just going to stop talking now.”

Bellamy hanged up and just collapsed into his bed, groaning and in general feeling like an idiot. Max came and nudged his hand with his snout.

“What do you think, boy. Should I try texting her, apologize for the annoying message she’s going to get?”

Max barked, and Bellamy took that as a yes. He hoped he wasn’t pushing the boundaries of being an ex, by calling and texting her.

 **Bellamy 9:22am:** _You’re going to receive a really obnoxious voicemail from me. I’m sorry for that and for our fight. Thank you for my Christmas present, it was amazing and I’m still speechless._

_I wanted to let you know that I’m sorry for how things ended between us, and if you want to, I would love if we could talk. Or if you want, you can just text me to piss off._

_So again sorry for being an ass and I hope you do want to talk and work thing out, or at the very least be friends._

**Send Failure**  
The message to Clarke Griffin failed to send.

Bellamy frowned and tried to refresh the text, but the send failure message appeared again.

“Of fucking course.” He muttered to himself.

 By 11am Bellamy had attempted to call Clarke eight times, four times he received the annoying automatic woman telling him he could not reach Clarke and four times he left increasingly long and embarrassing voicemails. He also had ten failed sent text messages, and he wasn’t even sure how many times he tried to send each one individually.

He felt like a creep. Like one of those guys who just doesn’t know when to give up, but it wasn’t like that. Was it? He felt safe in the assumption that if Clarke was getting his messages and didn’t wish to speak to him, then she would absolutely let him know. She wasn’t exactly known for softening the truth or not giving her opinion.

Logically he understood that there’d been a couple of bad storms, knocking out power lines and messing with reception. Bellamy felt queasy with the idea of Clarke being up there all by herself, snowed in. Maybe she wasn’t by herself, maybe she found a rebound to help her get over him. Maybe she didn’t need that much help getting over him in the first place.

He tried to shake those thoughts out of his head. His own self-destructive insecurities was why he was in this fucking mess in the first place. Though Bellamy did try to reason with himself that even if he was still with Clarke, she would still be snowed in all by herself and he would still be here.

Somehow that thought didn’t make him feel any better.

He just wanted to talk to Clarke right away, rip the Band-Aid so to speak. See if there was any chance for salvaging their relationship. Just have her know that he was sorry and understood that he fucked up. He just needed to know she was okay, and not injured or trapped inside a cabin freezing to death.

Bellamy bit his lip. It was barely past noon and the drive was maybe seven hours. He could drive up there today and if Clarke wanted nothing to do with him, he could be back home before this time tomorrow.

It was a terrible plan, borderline crazy. But…he needed to make things right with Clarke. Let her know how much the book meant to him, how much she means to him. That he was sorry.

Before Bellamy could fully consider how crazy his plan was, he found himself packing. It took him awhile to find the printed page she had handed him the night of the break up, but he was successful in going through his bathroom trash can. Cabin 205.

He wasn’t sure what to pack or what not to bring. After ten minutes of contemplating whether or not to bring his waffle iron, he decided that there was no real harm in over packing.

“Max.” He called. “Come on boy, in the truck.”

Max jumped into the heavily packed truck, wagging his tail excitedly. Perhaps he packed too much, arguably he didn’t need to take the waffle iron with him, but at worse it was just presumptuous of him to assume he would need it or any of his other stuff.

Bellamy was trying to be optimistic. Clarke loved waffles, and though he knew there was a good chance Clarke would just slam the door in face, it wasn’t like bringing all of this crap was going to hurt him.

On the way to the mountains, Bellamy began practicing a speech for Clarke. He didn’t want a repeat of his voicemails. For the most part it was less of a speech and more of a bullet list of everything he wanted to say to her. A very rambling bullet list.

“You’re stunning. The most amazing and beautiful person I’ve ever known. I’m sorry that I’ve been an insecure ass. You were right it was unfair of me attack you for my insecurities. I don’t think you think you’re better than me. I want to be in a relationship with you Clarke, a real one.”

It started to snow more heavily, but Bellamy kept going. He turned on the radio and ignored the warnings of the upcoming storm and the advice that people should stay off the roads. He was almost there. He was almost to Clarke.

“I realize that we both have issues to work out, I have a tendency to sabotage myself when it comes to my own happiness and you are extremely guarded when it comes to people. I saw your guardedness as you not being as interested as I was. I’m sorry for what I said to you and how I acted. You didn’t deserve that.”

It was just past nine when Bellamy stopped in front of the wooden sign, stating Cabins 201-205 were to the left. His eyes itched from tiredness and he let out an almost painful yawn. He didn’t think it would take him this long to reach the cabin, but he was just glad he made it.

It was pitch black when he started down the path, Clarke’s cabin was supposedly. He saw nothing but woods and snow. Bellamy was about to turn around, convinced he had been going down the wrong path when he saw her car. It was almost as good as seeing Clarke herself.

The cabin was quaint. He’d thought the pictures on the website had been exaggerating, but it really was gorgeous. Clarke’s cabin didn’t look like it could be more than one room, but there was a small porch and the lights were on, creating a warm hazy atmosphere. Smoke was coming out of the chimney, and everything just smelled like the woods. Bellamy was partially glad he was so tired, that he couldn’t be overwhelmed by the near picture perfect sight he was witnessing.

Honestly he was just pleased he could see his way to the porch. Max trailing behind him, jumping in and out of the banks of snow. He probably should put his leash on, there might be bears or wolves out here. Bellamy had no idea.

Nerves began to rise in Bellamy’s stomach and his chest tightened, as approached the front door. His legs seemed to become heavier with every step he took, and he felt sick the closer he got. This was far from a great idea. This was a stupid and insane idea.

Bellamy lightly knocked on the door, as though he was scared Clarke would actually hear him.

“Clarke?” He called, trying not to choke on her name. He was bundled in multiple layers of thick clothes, to keep out the cold, and yet he never felt nearly as exposed as he did in this moment.

He could hear someone approaching from the other side and for a second he contemplated running to his truck. But the door opened, and there Clarke was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote is from Virginia Woolf. 
> 
> Note: I edited Chapter 1, slightly. Nothing major. I just made when Raven and Octavia become friends with Clarke and when she hooks up with Bellamy separate nights. 
> 
> I'm so sorry about the lateness of the chapter. I had major writer's block and I could just not write certain parts of this chapter, like at all. Also schoolwork and internship duties came up, so I've been busy with that. Also I apologize for any grammar mistakes, I'll fix the ones I can find later.
> 
> Thank you guys for all the support. I'm going to be honest, you should not expect the next chapter to be coming out anytime soon. But hopefully it won't take me forever to finish.


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